Christmas sweater perfectly captures hatred of Christmas.

Christmas sweater perfectly captures hatred of Christmas.
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Not pictured: You, standing a few inches under the sweater.

Well, the world hasn't ended so unfortunately we all have to slog through a few more days of unbearable holiday cheer. Non-stop music, the delusion that having red and green everywhere doesn't make people wish they were colorblind, people who get upset if you say "Holidays," people who get upset if you say "Christmas," and all of us getting fatter and not even caring. Having lost our goodwill towards men sometime last Wednesday, and goodwill towards women the following afternoon, we're now just trying to hold out at "restrained hostility towards humanity." We're still sharpening candy canes just in case we see carolers, though.

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