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Even if you suck at dating in real life, you can still succeed at pretending to be someone desirable online.


Was this picture taken in 20 years ago? (via Team Jimmy Joe)

Are you not getting nearly as many matches on Tinder as the amount of right swipes you're throwing out there? Maybe it's not what you're doing, but how you're doing it. Maybe you chose the wrong photos. Maybe you're just hideous and nobody will ever love you. No matter what the reasons are, there are steps you can take to up your chances, and the first thing you should do is make sure you never, under any circumstances, do any of these things.


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1. Food sells, and sex sells, but not together.


I love cheese, just not in this context. (via Imgur)


2. Tinder is a great place to meet people with weird fetishes, but make sure they are actually people.


"So uh, you into crumbs?" (via Team Jimmy Joe)


3. Humor is a great way to start a conversation, unless it backfires terribly.



She hasn't seen the movie... (via Imgur)

4. If you have a murder trial coming up, perhaps you should lay off the online dating scene for a bit.


Hey, looks like a nice enough guy. (via Imgur)


Ooop, no, nevermind. (via Imgur)


5. You should generally avoid all things Hitler-related.


How about just saying, "Hey, what's up?" instead? (via Imgur)


6. Make sure you're not confusing Tinder for Craigslist (even though they have similar creep populations).


Would you even want to live with someone who would respond to this? (via Imgur)

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7. Don't use group photos, because they won't know which one you are. Oh, also don't use a picture you took of your children at the beach and you're not even in the thing.


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8. Everything within you is going to want to incorporate corn dogs into your photo. Try to avoid corn dog-related photography at all costs.


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9. If you're going to get right to the point, make sure your point isn't to come across like a camera guy from 'Girls Gone Wild.'


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10. Believe it or not, women can be unimpressed with you even if they're not lesbians. If that upsets you, don't respond by talking like one of the Super Mario Bros.


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11. Asking about religious beliefs will almost always limit your number of potential partners.


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12. Never try to start a spontaneous roast battle. You'll win the battle, but your bed will lose the war.


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13. Photoshopping your pictures can be very deceiving. Now she's going to be expecting a guy with a bracelet-covered arm coming out of his crotch, so you've already disappointed her.


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14. At least give your match 15-20 minutes to respond to your terrible, awful garbage pickup line that is so terrible, it should go on your permanent record.


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15. If your senses of humor don't line up, maybe just move on to the next one instead of turning into a human version of a Linkin Park song?


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16. It may be tempting, but never swipe right without reading over their profile. It's shocking how many users have unintentionally matched with The Dark Lord and then got stuck in hours of monotonous messages about the Apocalypse and the ocean turning to blood.


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17. When you're copying and pasting your robotic opening lines, make sure to update the name to whomever you're dazzling with your Mad Lib-style charm.


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18. If you ramble on so long that you lost interest in your profile, odds are, so did your potential matches. Also why are you taking bullets for strangers?


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19. Never bring attention to areas where you come up a little short.


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20. Try to avoid using profile pictures that will haunt the nightmares of anyone who sees it for the rest of their lives. Most users list that as a major turn off.


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21. No matter how horny you get, always try to remember the proper use of your and you're. Save a little of that blood flow for your brain.


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22. Don't even open the app if you're hungry. You'll end up meeting someone that you think you want, but in the end they'll leave you sick, empty, and greasy.


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23. Posting a pic with a celebrity almost always comes off tacky.


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24. Everyone loves Monster Energy Drink and everyone loves naked guys slouched in a bathtub. Here's the thing that most people don't realize: combining those two elements can come off a bit unattractive.


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