Happy Amazon Prime Day, a glorious day on which random things on sale on Amazon.com are even more on sale than usual. The sheer randomness of the Amazon marketplace has blessed this (even more) capitalist Christmas with some ludicrous deals, introducing the internet to products they did know existed (and probably shouldn't).
Behold: here are the most pointless deals that are trending on Amazon. Hopefully people are only buying this stuff ironically.
Better to leave the neon blue urine on the planet from Avatar.
2. 3-Tier Chocolate Fountain, $47.99
Just in case the next wedding you attend is BYO Chocolate Fountain.
3. Nursing Drug Handbook, $20.73
Here's hoping a book of such importance is more readily available at the hospital.
4. Flashing Light Gloves, $8.38
Only necessary if you plan on communicating in sign language at a rave.
5. Hip and Joint Supplement for Dogs, $31.97
Hopefully if your dog has hip pain, you weren't waiting for this deal to help him.
6. Medium Yeti Statue, $76.64
Go big Bigfoot, or go home.
7. 24 karat gold K-Cup filter, $7.47
The only way to make the least environmentally-friendly way to make coffee even more decadent is by plating the filter in gold.
8. 4-Piece Crepe Spreading Set, $14.97
Just settle on a crepe size, man.
9. Testicle cream, $11.99
10. Cat Purr Therapy for Healing and Relaxation, $9.59
If you're seeking help from cat purrs, you probably need more help.
11. Electric Wine Opener, $18.99-$34.99
Screw you if you can't use a corkscrew.
12. The Awakened Millionaire: A Manifesto for the Spiritual Wealth Movement, $11.21
A millionaire, awakened or not, could probably afford this book at $25.
13. Raising Chickens For Dummies, 2nd Edition, $7.35
The first edition should be sufficient.
14. Electric Willow Tree, $56.03
Real willow trees or GTFO.
15. SmartBottle with Bluetooth speaker, $29.98
16. Bath & Shower Portable Suction Cupholder, $10.98
If you can't part with your beverage long enough to bathe, I think you might have a problem.
17. The Judge on Blu-Ray, $8.99
You could stick to streaming this one.