We know that most men are lovely people who treat everyone with respect. Every once in a while, though, you come across a real stinker who makes you wonder if chivalry has died a slow and painful death. Those stinkers, if nothing else, make for great stories.
We asked our lovely readers to email and Facebook us some of their best (worst?) "chivalry is dead" tales. We weren't looking for stories of men who simply wanted to split the bill at dinner (because this is 2016 and that's normal), but guys who went out of their way to be petty, childish or just overall buttheads to women. Our readers did not disappoint.
1. Jocelyn's boss clearly does not understand how periods work.
As a minority woman in a small town, I have gotten used to people's ignorance and downright rudeness. This instance in particular was infuriating and made me reminisce about the days men treated women with grace and respect. A former boss asked me one day at work why I had had to use the restroom so many times today because I was on the clock and I needed to stay out front. I told him: "Well, actually I'm....., you know." Hoping he would get the idea. After having to explain it to him I was told I needed to let someone know next time and to "take care of that" before my shift or on breaks. Right. Because I can totally control my menstruation and tell it not to bother me during work hours!! Can you believe this guy? What a gentleman. #chivalryisdead
2. Thankfully it seems Arlene did not go on a second date with this dude.
Went to meet this guy I met online at a local restaurant, we were going for Margaritas and appetizers. Online convo was okay, but real life convo not so great, I had to do most of the talking and asking questions, To which sometimes I would get a blank stare on his face, like he didn't understand the question, mind you basic questions like: Do you like to hike? Do you like live music? It wasn't like I was drilling him for the next Jeopardy spot. So I I was pretty anxious to bail out of there. I said I needed to get going, and offered to pay 1/2 the bill, or at least my portion. I had one drink, a couple of bites of appetizers, while he had several drinks and hardly left anything for the dishwashing staff to clean up off the appetizer plates. He then told me, "I will pay for this one, but I expect something in return, you can pay for the next one, and you can have what you want from me in return.", then told me how unfair it was that men have to always foot the bill for women, they cannot be feminists if they expect men to pay the bill." Needless to say I gave him $10 for my drink, told him there would never be a next time and that I am not looking for anyone to pay my way. He then waited for me to open the door for him as we were leaving. Actually waited there and repeated that all is fair with feminists??? It's not that I minded,but he was being pretty silly about the whole thing. If this is what he does to all his dates and still wonders why he is single, then he is getting the wrong dating advice from inside his head.
To be fair, Arlene also told us this story of two awesome guys who helped her at a home improvement store. We should all strive to be like them.
On another note, I went to the home improvement store to buy lumber and a lot of things to ready my rental for new tenants, there were two men there while I was struggling to figure out what size wood and what else I might need, they took the time to walk me through it all. Best advice from two customers, then they proceeded to help me load 5 gallon paint buckets into my car. I offered to give them money for their help and they did not want a dime, just two guys that wanted to help. That's the counter balance in this world. BTW, it was a father and son. Father showing his son how to help those that seem to need it, was amazing"!
3. So this is how Jessi is rewarded for offering to be the designated driver and not ditching her friends? Yeesh.
One night I was out with a few friends at a club. I'm not much of a club person, so I decided to be the designated driver so I could watch out for my friends. I had just returned from taking one girl to get some food and standing kind of awkwardly at the bar. A guy comes up to me and started a conversation, and asked if I wanted a shot. Considering it being my only drink (especially after just eating), I figured I would take him up on this offer. After the shot, he tried telling me about terrible person I would be if I still drove after a tiny drink that did nothing but the normal throat burn, and that I needed to go home with him. I told him there was no way I was ditching my friends, and if I really started to feel bad as we were leaving, than we'd just get a cab. He told me I had to go home with him either way because it would be rude for him to buy me a shot and stay with my friends over him. I firmly said no one more time as the bartender was coming back over with the receipt and he... left. Since I refused to leave my friends, I was stuck with the bill for something I had no intention of ordering. Or, rather, TWO somethings I definitely no intention of getting.
4. I feel like just buying Mayra a Christmas present would've been easier than trying to hide her package from her for several weeks, no?
I splurged on a purchase for myself close to Christmas time. They were shoes. Shipping usually took about a week. It reached 2 weeks and I still hadn't received the shoes in the mail. I almost filed a report with the seller online because it was showing that it shipped but I still hadn't received them. I was worried because I'd bought them online and I'd spent about $80 for them. My boyfriend at the time just stresses that due to the holidays my package must be delayed. So I wait and wait. Christmas Day arrives and there's a present under the tree. He took the shoes that had actually arrived, wrapped them up and gave them to me for Christmas. He didn't even try and take the shipping sticker off with my name on it.
5. The guy from Heather's story loves to point out the obvious, because that's super helpful.
Non boyfriend related.... just had my son (had my first c section and struggled so badly with it) well I have 2 other kids so I needed to be out n about a lot sooner than I should have been. I'm struggling getting my stupid stroller out of the car at my kids field day (had my son June 2nd, their field was within weeks of having him), guy walks by says "wow looks like you're struggling, sorry" and walks away. Not "hey do you need any help?" ......... even me, as a woman, try to help anyone and everyone possible!!!
Heather also shared another stroller nightmare, but at least this time, someone came to her aid. (Spoiler: it was not an able-bodied dude.)
Ohhhh another one:
We moved to the city when both my boys were toddlers (1 and 2).....I worked and so did dad. I would have to take the bus and 3 trains into Brooklyn from Yonkers to exchange the kids out to my husband (who had the car, come to think about it, that was kinda fucked up as well lol)..........well the first time going into this one station I didn't realize there was no elevator up to ground level (had a double stroller, 2 sleeping kids)........I literally just spent 3+ hours on public transportation and reached this obstacle that I had no clue what to do....... I take one son out and start dragging my double stroller (while holding my 2 yr old in my arms) up the 2 flights of subway stairs........2 cops and several people walk past me like they don't see my fkn struggling...... then a lady who was like 70 yrs old, grabs the other end of the stroller and starts helping me up the stairs. She gets to the top with me, looks at the 2 officers and says "you should be ashamed of yourself"........ will always stick with me cause she was so sweet and the entire time I begged her to not help me cause the stroller was so heavy. She couldn't believe just as much as me, that everyone just walked by not even offering to help.
6. At least the guy from Eva's story is organized? I don't know, I got nothing.
Chivalry is dead - didn't happen to me but to a friend. She went on vacation with a guy she had been dating to Iceland. Throughout the trip each of them paid for various things. When they got back, they split a little while later. He sent her a spreadsheet in 3 different currencies of the % she owed him for the trip.
7. We're sure Markella is strong, but like, come on, dude.
I went to college in New England, and after a big snowfall the students would routinely help each other dig our cars out of the snow in the parking lot (the campus work crew would plow the driveways, but not each parking space). One morning I helped this one guy get his car out of the snow bank, and so then it was my car's turn. The guy looks me up and down and says, "Well, you probably have more muscle than I do, so I'll drive and you dig." He made me dig my own car out of the snow while he sat comfy behind the wheel until the snow was cleared enough that he could maneuver my car out of the parking space.
8. We're very glad Jessica has broken up with this guy.
One night after working a grueling 16 hour shift at the hospital, I came home to find my boyfriend at the time out in the detached garage. I went out to see him but before I could say anything he hands me a bucket and says, "I pissed in this. Go dump it out. That's what you do right?" We broke up shortly after.
9. Yes, because clearly the right thing to do when you see a woman carrying a baby among lots of other things is to steal her bus fare, right Lisa?
The bus was just pulling up, I was juggling my baby, stroller, purse and baby bag and dropped my bus fare..it rolled right to this guy walking down the road..he looked right at me, picked it up, put it in his pocket and kept walking...
10. This reader's story would have been bad, but not so awful had the guy not gone out of his way to inform her that he was not required to hold the door open.
In July of 2005 I was 8 months pregnant with my second child. My oldest was almost two. I was hugely (and obviously) pregnant, I waddled and everything. One lovely July day, I was running some errands. My toddler was ready for a nap, and refused to walk on his own, so I had to carry him everywhere. My last stop was the drugstore. I'm walking toward the door with a toddler on my hip and a big purse (which doubled as a diaper bag) on my shoulder and keys in my hand. A man was also approaching the door, but I thought I would get there first. I paused to hoist my purse higher on my shoulder before I reached for the handle. That's when he stepped in front of me, so close he brushed my belly, swung the door open and charged into the store. I had to step back to avoid getting my foot stomped! I was taken aback, but didn't say anything and just proceeded into the store. He was waiting for me in the store lobby. As soon as he saw me he said, "I don't HAVE to hold the door for you just because I'm a man!" I didn't ask him to hold the door, nor did I comment on his rudeness, but since he brought it up....When you see a hugely pregnant woman with a toddler on her hip, juggling a big bag and keys, holding the door is just a kind and chivalrous thing to do. Whether you're a man or not!
At this point I would just like to personally thank all of the men out there who are not terrible. Please continue not being terrible.