Baby, as the president so astutely pointed out, it's super f*cking cold outside. It's time to wrap yourself up in your favorite Snuggie, and your favorite Snuggie in your finest heated blanket, and sit down with your favorite heated blanket next to your favorite trash fire, and read some funny tweets about how much this sucks.
Its so cold outside my nipples could key a car rn— DUA LIPA (@DUALIPA) December 28, 2017
How cold is it in Chicago? Well.... pic.twitter.com/SGeAjHrALk— ZillyAtRawr (@ZillyAtRawr) December 29, 2017
i am freezing someone please cuddle me or set me on fire either is fine— tina (@tinatbh) December 16, 2016
I wish I was as excited about anything as climate change deniers are about 7-degree weather.— Brook Lundy (@brooklundy1) December 29, 2017
The key to staying warm is layers. Layers and layers of cake eaten in your bed as you stay home watching movies all day.— Brian Frange (@brianfrange) February 20, 2015
Today is the type of day where if you still dress to look cool instead of dress to stay warm, you’re an asshole.— KFC (@KFCBarstool) December 28, 2017
*slips on pair of breathable Ultra Boosts with ventilated open mesh*
Fortune teller [gazing into crystal ball]: I see a cold, icy, blizzard engulfs you-— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 3, 2015
Me: thats a snow globe
Fortune teller: fuck. Gimme a sec
Honestly its cold to the point that if anyone invites me outside I'm taking it as an insult.— Peligrosa (@AfroLatinaGold) December 29, 2017
#ItsSoCold the flashers in NYC are just describing themselves -Dick Cavett, circa 1971— Josh Mankiewicz (@JoshMankiewicz) December 28, 2017
It's so cold outside that the ghost that haunted the house froze to death pic.twitter.com/ECXU9gU2f4— Pokemon _st ™ (@Pokemon_st) December 29, 2017
My lips are blue because it's so cold, not because I was blowing a Smurf.— Ricki Tarr (@ShootyDoody) December 29, 2017
GOD: So when it’s cold, we’ll make nipples do what?— 💤ack (@Mr_Kapowski) December 26, 2017
ANGEL: Make em hard?
GOD: Nice, nice, everybody loves boobies. How bout dicks?
ANGEL: Shrink em!
GOD: *laughing so hard tears run down his face*
When she's begging for your jacket because it's cold outside after you warned her about the weather 20 times. https://t.co/70ccisS7tF— Tweets for Bros (@BroHumors) December 29, 2017
It’s so cold this morning hot singles are not in my area.— C'est la vie (@Robert_Beau) December 29, 2017
It’s my favorite time of the year baby!!!!, when my hands and feet become cold for 6 consecutive months— Hippo (@InternetHippo) October 17, 2017
It's so cold my dog has created a new game. She walks to the door, I open it for her to go outside, she sniffs the arctic air, looks at me, and then walks back to the couch.— Josh Jordan (@NumbersMuncher) December 28, 2017
Three minutes later, she's back at the door assuming it has magically warmed up again.
All. Day. Long. pic.twitter.com/CZmeZJ5MUY
How different species deal with Winter:— Hippo (@InternetHippo) December 23, 2015
Birds - fly south
Bears - hibernate
Humans - complain
It's so cold that "go to hell" is a compliment— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) December 29, 2017
Winter weather makes my hands look like a bouquet of lizard dicks— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) March 15, 2013
It is warm in my house but cold outside, so global warming exists only in my house. If I just open the doors and windows, everything will even out and I will solve global warming. You're welcome.— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 29, 2017