While most of the country was trudging through a dreary week in February, a random internet hero named Reid Hamlin was on the beach. The beach that is the internet, if you follow the metaphor (it's not great), turning Amazon reviews into comedy gold.
First of all, acquaint yourself with "The Beach Behemoth Giant Inflatable 12-Foot Pole-to-Pole Beach Ball."
The man next to the Behemoth Ball is for scale, and let's assume he's a regular sized man and not an action figure meant to trick us.
The overall reviews tag the Big Ball with a 3.3/5 rating out of 33 reviews, but Reid only awarded it two stars.
The reason he docked it a few stars had a lot to do with the "children screaming in terror at the giant inflatable monster" as it rushed down the beach at an astounding 40 knots.
Here at Someecards, we're using our excellent reasoning skills to deduce that this review is a joke.
But also, we're reasoning, a good joke:
We took this ball to the beach and after close to 2 hours to pump it up, we pushed it around for about 10 fun filled minutes. That was when the wind picked it up and sent it huddling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything it its path. Children screaming in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families. The faster we chased it, the faster it rolled. It was like it was mocking us. Eventually, we had to stop running after it because its path of injury and destruction was going to cost us a fortune in legal fees. Rumor has it that it can still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida panhandle. We lost it in South Carolina, so there is something to be said about its durability.
As the review went insanely viral on Reddit and across the internet, real people flocked to the ad to see if someone really posted that and, presumably, to see if the ball was really a force for destruction:
Yes, someone really wrote that. But no, it seems clear from other reviews and the smallest shred of common sense, the ball will not terrorize entire cities and states with the force of the wind.
Another top review says it took 20 minutes to inflate and that "yes, windy days will make [it] difficult to control, but if there is no wind it's awesome."
Don't take it from us, but this ball looks like really the only choice for Behemoth Beach Basketball, Behemoth Beach Volleyball, or Behemoth Beach Chase The Ball Up The Coast.
We'll leave you with this woman's take on the $100 beach toy.