A group of Redditors were recently taking a stroll down awful memory lane, reminiscing about the things they'd done in their lives that they considered the most "cringeworthy." Everyone's done stupid things, and sometimes sharing them on the internet can make you feel better. Haha, no it can't, but at least there's always someone who's done something worse than you. Get ready for a lot of sympathetic grimacing.
1. Actually, it sounds like Ranchochupacabrash did high school right.
For about a month my freshman year of high school, I wore mirrored glasses and turtlenecks and told people I was a vampire.
When I was 13 I made a fake MSN account pretending to be one of those conversation bots. I added my crush and pretended to "predict his future", which of course heavily hinted at eventually marrying me.
3. AidentheHuman found a way to make people laugh, which is almost as good as making people like you.
In the after school care i was in, end of elementary school, I was desperate for friends. And I always made a group of kids laugh when I humped the gym wall (or anything). So I did. A lot. Not realizing what exactly I was doing.
It didn't exactly earn me any friends, but when I invited them to my 11th birthday, their mom's made them come. So... There is that.
4. Kcolonna968 thought he could do mixtapes one better. He was very wrong.
When I was in middle school, I had it in my head I had the whole dark and mysterious vibe locked down. Well I was really into the cute girl in my english class so I had the bright idea to write her a song.. sadly I wasn't lyrically gifted. So the next obvious course of action was to find a song I assumed no one else knew because I was the one to discover it: Point of Authority by Linkin Park. So I grabbed my old walkman, plugged in my original xBox mic (used for some karaoke game) and just sang along to the song while listening to it on my iPod. The tape didn't have any of the music to it, just my awkward pitchy prepubescent voice trying to be extra dark and mysterious. I even listened back to it and was 100% convinced it was the best thing since sliced bread.
I gave it to her the next day in class, and sold it so confidently that she asked the teacher if she could play it for the class. Cue me red faced and itchy from head to toe with embarrassment from all the laughter.
tl;dr just stick to mix tapes, kids.
5. CensorVictim was the victim of a Freudian slip.
I walked into the break room at work once, and an attractive female coworker was in there. We all work at desks all day, so I tried to say something about stretching your legs, but instead out came "so, came back here to spread your legs, eh?"
Had a presentation in college. I dressed fairly nice for it and had a white handkerchief in my back pocket. Got a little sweaty so I pulled the handkerchief out of my back pocket.. It was a pair of white underwear.
7. Brend0ge has had quite a few run-ins with the Cringe Fairy.
In job interview I shook the employer's hand and said "Hi, how are you?" (exercising my assertive social skills) which would've been fine except that I said it at the END of the fucking interview.
In high school I made a (not even remotely funny) joke to my mate about how his dad "probably fucks him in the ass every day". He didn't say anything and just walked off, while everyone stared daggers at me. I'm all "what guys?". His dad had died two days prior.
Oh god make the cringe stop these memories were buried for a reason
Bonus cringe: I went to visit my mum when I was like 19, she gave me a girl's phone number and set me up on a blind date (you could stop reading this here, because that's bad enough). Since I was such a cool guy I texted my friend something like "I'm in this shit-hole town about to go on a date with some random" and of course I sent it directly to the girl, so when I met her I had to lead with "yeah, sorry, just ignore that text.. OK hi nice to meet you..". There was no second date.
Oh, and hell no I did not get the job.
8. Watrudoininmaswamp learned what not to do in a girl's bedroom at a very early age.
When I was younger, around 5-6 I think, my family and I went to visit a friend. He had a daughter and a son and I was quite close friends with the girl. We went up to play in her bedroom and for some reason, and I can't for the life of me remember why I thought it would be a good idea, decided to whip out my one inch wonder and proceed to wipe it on the walls of her bedroom whilst laughing. She excused herself whilst I was doing so and about a minute later I hear my parents shouting from downstairs. That was the most awkward car ride home EVER and I still cringe everytime I think of it.
I once renamed the Pokemon in my party to Will You Go Out With Me and handed my DS to my would be GF. She came out as being gay right there.
I, too, was pretty late to the puberty game, and for some reason I was very slow to acknowledge the physical differences between boys and girls. I had glasses, but I never wore them, so maybe that contributed to it.
Anyways, I remember being in 2nd grade, sitting in class, and I felt uncomfortably hot. It occurred to me that boys always take their shirts off, so I saw no logical reason not to do the same. So while the teacher is talking, I casually strip off my shirt, put it in my backpack, and then sit back to listen to the lecture. The classroom became dead silent, and the teacher awkwardly told me to put my shirt back on. He was careful to not make eye contact, which I thought was weird at the time. Instead of recognizing that I had done something weird, I became very angry (I was a very stubborn, headstrong child, and I often look back and pity my parents). I told him I would not put my shirt back on, and I crossed my arms and pouted. He sent me to the principal's office, which infuriated me because it seemed so unjust. Thankfully, it was somewhat chilly outside, so I put my shirt back on when I left the classroom. Anyways, it became a whole big thing with the school and my parents, and everyone had to teach me the differences between boys and girls while I argued and told them it was all stupid because I didn't have any boobs yet and I had been hot.
11. As freethenip learned, some loves are too private to share with friends.
when i was like 10, i'd gather all my family and friends, get on my hands and knees and show them the "cool piggyback trick!" their border collie would perform on me.
this carried on for about a year and no one told me i was being aggressively humped. i'd wondered why they were so awkward about it. :0(
I said "I killed a man, and felt nothing" during a new hire orientation.
Trying to be funny.
Still think about that moment sometimes before I go to bed.
Why the fuck did I say that?
13. Thundertool did a great job of convincing a girl just how much he didn't care.
A girl stood me up for a date. The next day I saw her in the cafeteria and didn't want to seem like I cared or that it bothered me (it did but I wanted to just play it cool). So all I did was smile and give a little wave as I walked into a wall in front of her and all her friends.
14. Germenshipard's teen years sound pretty standard.
When I was 15 I made a video of me "raving" in the dark with glowsticks to the song "Sandstorm."
I have no idea why I did that or posted it to YouTube. This was before I started using drugs, lol.
15. ReverendDean pulled the ol' "Forgot your mic was on" trick. Classic.
We were doing some sort of Jeopardy style game for spirit week at my high school. We're in the auditorium with our entire school, which isn't much because I went to a private Catholic school of about 400ish. The questions are all related to some history of the school, sports teams and other miscellaneous things. The people on the stage playing are all captains of the various fall sports teams including men's soccer, field hockey, women's tennis, women's volleyball, cross country and football. Each team had to have a designated question answerer sitting in view of the whole school and another captain would be the one to ask the question. The person asking the question for each respective team had one of those shirt button mics on so the whole auditorium can hear everything and each question being asked. For some God forsaken reason I was chosen amongst the 4 football captains to have the Mic on and ask questions. The person sitting down had to take a whip cream pie to the face for every wrong answer. Keep in mind that I'm on the side of the stage away from view of the students and faculty members with some of my teammates because you only went on stage when it was your sport's turn. Questions are being answered left and right and no pies to anyone's face. It gets back to the field hockey team and they get asked some obscure school history question which they get wrong. Boom, pie to the face. Me being the little 17 year old douche that I was, looked over at my buddy, who was dating the captain of the FH team at the time, and said "that's not gonna be the last creampie she takes today, huh Mike?" Mike is my friends name for story's purpose. I completely forget that I have the shirt button Mic turned on and I walk on stage to ask the next question only to look at this girl's mortified expression looking at me and see the collective "WTFs" from the whole student body including the faculty members. I paused while looking at everyone and just whisper a nice "God fucking dammit" which everyone hears again lol. I got reamed out real nicely after that fiasco. Definitely cringeworthy, but totally hilarious looking back.
16. At least Victoria-n's cousin did technically know where her dad was.
I was speaking to my cousin at a family get together when he asked me where my father was. Trying to be funny and annoying and replied with, "where's yooouurrrr dad?"
His father's funeral was 2 weeks prior.
17. Eva22167's honesty bit her in the ass, as it is wont to do.
My friend told me he and his gf broke up as an April fools joke, my reply: "I'm sorry. To be honest I couldn't see you guys lasting that long anyway." I cringe to myself every fucking day because of this.
18. PouponMacaque has had so many cringeworthy moments his face probably froze like that.
I was playing the bass at a party... A girl sat next to me and said "Good stuff... I like bass players" and I said "I don't play the bass"
On a first date, after not even hugging the girl, I kissed her on the neck goodbye.
I was at a party... Long story, but I did not know any of the 40 or so people there. I puked red wine onto the white walls in front of everybody. Then the female tenants of the house dressed me in a middle school gym outfit.
I invited a girl to hang out for coffee so I could tell her I was planning on dating someone else and wasn't interested (she was). It took me 8 hours to say it. We had a great conversation until then... Also, she gave me a ride home because the buses had stopped running, which is pathetic because I was 22.
I missed a really easy volleyball... volley... In seventh grade in front of like 1000 kids. The ball hit me in the face and they laughed. I started crying and tried to attack the kid next to me for no reason. The coach had to put me over his shoulder and carry me out amid laughs and jeers.
I was boxing my friend in my pajama pants and the gnarly, super small, shriveled tip of my uncircumcised penis popped out. I'm pretty sure he saw and didn't say anything. I just popped it back in and kept going.
I never kissed my first three girlfriends.
I have failed to get a boner during my first sexual encounter with every girl I have ever been with
I lost $1000 cash on the bus
I'm pretty sure I hit a toddler in the face by accident with the metal tip of my umbrella. I felt the thud, kept walking to sit down on the bus, and then looked back. I saw the girl holding her face and the parent looking afraid. They didn't look at me, and I was too petrified to say anything so I just let them get off the bus.
Edit: today, while I was replying to these comments, I was poking fun at a girl having her dad's signature tattooed on her arm, as if he were a celebrity. Turns out he's dead and it was from a letter he wrote her. His name is almost the same as mine, so then I made fun of the similarity and pointed out that she had my signature on her arm. Yes, I felt bad, I'm not evil.
I sometimes feel like I've been in a never ending cringe coma since I was thirteen so it's not all that bad.