A chat forum for parents called Mumsnet is apparently very supportive, unless your lack of self-awareness leads you to post something so horrendously smug that you remind everyone of Gwyneth Paltrow. Here's what one "very slim person" uploaded to the chat board, and it's quickly achieved hall of fame status all over the internet's best idiot-shaming websites:
"If you interested..." wrote Holidayhooray, forgetting a word or two, "what a very slim person is having for lunch today."
The person proceeds to detail a meal fit for a "slim person" and helpfully states their dimensions: 5 foot seven inches and "eight stone," which a quick Google search has told me is 112 pounds.
"My advice (not that anyone asked!)" continued the soon to be savaged over-sharer, "is stuff yourself with healthy food."
Look, if you're here on Someecards for unsolicited dieting advice, read the above again. If you're here for sarcastic responses to unsolicited dieting advice, continue on below.
Here's the first of hundreds of replies, before the poster begged to get deleted:
"This thread title sounds horrendously smug."
"Gosh that's interesting."
"Thank you OP. I won't have to eat until this evening either. This thread'll keep me going all afternoon."
"I have a fanstastic arse and I ate leftover takeaway curry for breakfast. I also have pretty banging eyebrows."
"I've had half a mug of tea, do I win?"
Here's where Holidayhooray felt bad about the way the post was written.
Ok asked to be deleted (doubt it will be)
I'm sorry. Wasn't being smug. I suppose I just life [sic] being nosy about this sort of thing and I framed it poorly.
My advice (not that anyone asked!)? Skip over that so you can keep reading mean comments without a hint of guilt.
"Is this a skinny person's equivalent of mansplaining?"
"Op, what did you have for breakfast? And what's for dinner? I'm dying to know
"What a fairly fat person is having for lunch - half an avocado and a scrambled egg in a half a wholemeal tortilla. I couldn't eat all that fruit. Too much sugar for me. I also won't eat anything till dinner time. Never eat between meals. Still quite fat."
"Sorry OP but you sound like Gwyneth Paltrow."
This terrible smug dieter joins a pantheon of exciting uploads to Mumsnet, a website you should check out if you like juicy gossip from anonymous moms. And come on, who doesn't?