Hey, Happy Tuesday! How was your day? Oh, god. Same. At least tonight is guaranteed to be better than last Tuesday night. It's hard to beat that one in shock and horror.
Anyhow, here's what you missed on the Interwebs!
1. Of all the men alive—and there are billions—Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was been declared to be the sexiest one.
The Rock and is pecs the size of your person have won People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive alive award, coincidentally a week before his new movie Moana comes out.
He gave his acceptance speech on Twitter, where he assures as that he is taking care of his babies "sexily ;)."
2. An Instagram star has an imposter recreating their pictures down to the very last detail.
Lauren Bullen, a professional Instagrammer, recently discovered that she was being discovered from exotic locale to exotic locale, as a 'grammer ostensibly named Diana relives her life and wears her clothes.
I can't wait to see this movie starring Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway.
3. A powertripping TSA agent f*cked with this mom's breastmilk, but women know what's up.
Mom Julie Barnett didn't cry over spoiled breastmilk, but she made a great, angry post about it. A TSA manhanted her bottles at the Houston airport, resulting in an airport experience even worse than the usual one.
4. Ivanka Trump's five-year-old daughter has gone viral in China, making her the frontrunner to be the next Secretary of State.
With almost as much diplomatic experience as actual frontrunner Rudy Giuliani, little Arabella Kushner just might be the new face of American-Chinese relations. Videos of her speaking Mandarin were posted to the Chinese government-approved version of Twitter, and people are going nuts, and cracking anti-Trump jokes of their own.
5. Tony Bennett's love story is basically this SNL sketch.
Tony Bennett, 90, met his wife Susan Benedetto, 50, while she was merely in the womb.
The nonagenarian singer met her parents when he was a spritely young forty-year-old, and Susan was incidentally in utero. They seem to be very chill about it.
6. A super teen saved the day when a child was on the virge of being sexually attacked at a target.
Seventeen-year-old Cameron Cook was shopping at Target for those sweet deals when he saw a "demonic" looking man masturbating in front of a little girl (oy).
This story has a happy ending, simultaneously showing how sh*tty and heroic people could be.