A story of glorious revenge (with dubious factual backing) is currently going viral just about everywhere, because—as one commenter put it—it's like "the story of Johnny Appleseed came to its natural apocalyptic conclusion."
The story's hero, a Reddit poster named GoblinsStoleMyHouse, laid out his tale on the site's marijuana forum—mistaking r/Trees for a place to discuss literal trees.
Fortunately, people who love trees-meaning-weed also love trees-meaning-trees.
Told by an arborist, the tale begins with a 30-year-old pepper tree: Clyde.
So far we have an elderly human, who hopes to grow old with his adolescent tree, who just got his heart broken by a probably pretty pragmatic government official.
But while the mayor signed a "death warrant" for young Clyde, our hero's wooden son, he didn't realize that he also signed his own.
Not really. But he did sign himself one great pain in the ass.
Imagine hundreds of roots growing straight through your butt. That's what happened to this mayor—if his butt is the government—which it's safe to say it is.
Now for the Johnny Appleseed-inspired revenge.
After waiting two years for the seeds of revenge to take root, /u/GoblinsStoleMyHouse announced his devious plan to the world:
"Two years and seven months ago, I secretly planted 45 California Redwoods and 82 Giant Sequoias in various parks, yards, and state properties" in his nemesis's city, to avenge the death of his tree "child."
"To remove even one of them at this point will cost well over $1,500."
Naturally, commenters hailed this man as a hero. Via Reddit (reminder, this went down on the pot forum):
"This is one of the best things I've ever read."
"I teared up reading this. Clyde, your dad is fucking awesome!"
"Nice payback - We all know Clyde is smokin' a fatty up in heaven now."
Since the story started going viral on Reddit, Imgur, and Bored Panda, the original post has been deleted from r/Trees. One Imgur commenter asked, "If this is legit can't legal/civil action be taken by the mayor with this Imgur post used as an admission of guilt?"
Probably not, because it'd be difficult to prove any of this. Which is the same reason that most commenters are just hoping the story of magnificent wooden revenge is actually true.
Other buzzkills are actually rooting against the anonymous tree avenger. Here's a sa(m)pling:
"If I understood it right, your tree was starting to destroy public infrastructure. If that's what it was, then the mayor was doing his job."
"What a dick move. Not funny or cool."
"Good ole taxpayer money going poof."
So far, the mayor called out in the post hasn't responded to the viral post. But he seems like a pretty beloved guy, who is now out of office, and won't have to deal with this drama.
Besides that giant tree now maybe growing in his front yard.
May all our disagreements be solved with inconvenient payback courtesy of trees.