Hey! How was your day? Yeah, me too. Classic case of the Mondays. But leave it to the Internet to gift us with some much-needed distraction from the horrors of reality. Here are seven things you should absolutely pretend to know about today, only two of which are related to Trump!
1. A dad's recreations of his daughter's selfies have twice the success, proving the people do love a Dad Bod.
Burr Martin, comedian and self-proclaimed "Selfie Dad," has turned his recreations of his daughter's photos into an enterprise more popular than the originals.
With Joe Biden leaving office soon (sniff sniff), Selfie Dad just might be America's Next Top Dad.
He has his balloon boyfriend to serve as Second Lady.
2. The Simpsons was right about a President Trump, and they don't feel good about it.
In their infinite, clairvoyant wisdom, The Simpsons foresaw a future in which Donald Trump was POTUS, way back in 2000. Nate Silver, The New York Times and your mom couldn't have foreseen this, but The Simpsons did. Rather than gloat and say "I told you so!" like many of the Bernie Bros out there, writers feel beyond guilty. Being right sucks.
3. A Chili's manager snatched a veteran's burger on Veteran's Day because they didn't believe the veteran was a veteran.
Chili's had a nationwide promotion to kindly thank veterans for their service with some complimentary baby back ribs (or anything else on the menu...but what else would you get at Chili's if you don't keep kosher?). When U.S. Army veteran Ernest Walker arrived with his service dog Barack, a racist manager didn't believe all of his IDs.
He even had his discharge papers. Chili's response was not as it should be.
4. Revel in the glory days with the #FriendsIn5Words hashtag.
It hasn't been you day, your week, your month, or even your year.
Travel back into the 90s, when Donald Trump was simply sexing Marla Maples and the haircuts were dictated by Jennifer Aniston.
Friends fans are reminiscing with the hashtag #FriendsIn5Words, a trending topic that sums up ten years of sitcom magic into single sentences.
5. These thirsty parents will make you glad your folks still don't get "The Twitters."
Twitter user Kalista Adams's parents are particularly tech savvy, using the site to arrange their latest rendezvous.
There's nothing like logging into to Twitter to tweet about your lunch only to gain insight into how you were conceived. It could be happen to anyone.
6. Wanda Sykes was booed off stage for bashing Trump during her standup set. The healing's got a long way to go.
People at a Boston fundraiser did not want to hear ill words spoken of Chairman Trump, booing Sykes as she spoke her mind during her standup set this weekend.
The crowd started booing before Sykes flipped 'em the bird saying, "F*ck you, motherf*cker, fuck all of y’all," before leaving the stage.
Check out her hot takes.
7. The moment Ryan Reynolds felt that Blake Lively is "the one" was straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
Perhaps the most blindingly attractive couple Blyan/Livenolds/Reyely have a storybook romance despite meeting on the set of Green Lantern.
In an interview with GQ, Reynolds told the tale of the moment he truly fell in love with the gorgeous superstar:
We were hanging out at this little restaurant in Tribeca that's open really late, and this song came on and I was just like, "Want to dance?" No one was in there, so it was just totally empty. And it was just one of those moments where halfway through the dance, it was like, "Oh, I think I just crossed a line."