Family

<p>It&#39;s reasonable to have high expectations for your wedding day. Especially knowing how much those things cost to put on. But the pressure to have a &quot;perfect&quot; wedding often causes brides (and some grooms) to behave in ways that, to some, might seem unacceptable, or even straight-up sociopathic.</p><h2>A 28-year-old woman took to Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A**hole?&quot; forum to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t0bo07/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_sister_for_wanting/" target="_blank">ask</a> if she&#39;s wrong to be upset that her sister wants to skip her wedding due to her recent miscarriage.</h2><p>She writes:</p><blockquote> <p>I (f28) am getting married next week, Invitations are out, wedding planning was complete and everything is going according to plane. However, My sister (f31) just had a miscarriage and mom told me that she told her she decided to not come to the wedding.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I was dumfounded, I called my sister to talk about it and she said she is exhausted and doesn&#39;t feel like attending, I told her that this is my wedding not some family dinner she and her husband decided to skip.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The bride&#39;s sister explained that she is &quot;exhausted&quot; and &quot;doesn&#39;t feel like&quot; attending.</h2><p>But the bride is not accepting this. She writes:</p><blockquote> <p>She apologized hoping that &quot;I&#39;d understand&quot; but I said that I don&#39;t (?) because I really don&#39;t understand what does her miscarriage has to do with being at my wedding - it&#39;s not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby.</p> </blockquote><h2>The bride&#39;s brother-in-law got involved, and called out the bride for being &quot;insensitive&quot; to what her sister went through.</h2><blockquote> <p>She must&#39;ve had me on speaker because her husband heard and started scolding me about how this is a traumatic experience that my sister just went threw and said that I was insensitive to talk to her like that.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I asked him to stay out of it but, he started arguing telling me to respect my sister&#39;s wish and respect that they&#39;re grieving. I insisted he let me talk to her but he said &quot;we were done talking&quot; I ended up losing my temper with him and he told me &quot;F your wedding&quot; then hung up.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The groom-to-be then got pissed at the brother-in-law. And the bride&#39;s parents got involved, siding with the sister.</h2><blockquote> <p>My fiance was in the room and heard him say that. He wanted to uninvite him and my sister over this instantly but, I didn&#39;t let him. I called mom and she promised to speak to my sister and convince her to come.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>My dad called me later on and started berating me about &quot;harassing&quot; my sister and told me to leave her alone, I asked him if my brother in law told him about our fight but he got defensive and told me to get off both my sister&#39;s and her husband&#39;s back and drop it.</p> </blockquote><h2>Her dad explained that the sister has a &quot;valid&quot; reason to not attend the wedding. He even called his daughter &quot;selfish&quot; for not considering her feelings.</h2><blockquote> <p>I told him how upset and hurt I was that my sister decided to skip my wedding and how little she thought of it, he replied that my sister has a valid reason and I was coming across unfeeling and selfish not to see that and lash out over her missing a party - THIS IS NOT a party, that&#39;s my wedding, it matters to me, I was there for hers why can&#39;t she do the same and show up for few hours?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Dad said he won&#39;t tell me again to leave my sister alone and urged me to stop bringing it up and &quot;gang&quot; up with mom to get my sister to go but I wasn&#39;t doing that(?).</p> </blockquote><h2>But the bride is upset because she says <em>her</em> feelings are being ignored.</h2><blockquote> <p>Long story short, tension has been taking over since then. mom thinks that a calm discussion will do but I feel like my feelings are ignored and misunderstood especially from my sister. I love my sister, I get her struggle but I wanted her there because I care about her.</p> </blockquote><p>So, is the bride right to be upset at her sister? Or is she being selfish, as her sister, brother-in-law, and both her parents seem to believe?</p><h2>If you chose option two, you&#39;re correct&mdash;at least according to commenters, who overwhelmingly sided with the sister and called out the bride for being the &quot;a**hole&quot; in this situation.</h2><p> </p><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TrustedTriangle/">TrustedTriangle</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA. Your have no idea what it&#39;s like to be carrying life and hope inside your body, then to lose all that to forces outside of your control. People need time to collect their composure and grieve. The world doesn&#39;t revolve around you, and you&#39;re certainly not a person worth gravitating towards. &quot;F your wedding&quot; &lt;--- This 100%.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Captain_Quoll/">Captain_Quoll</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>I can&rsquo;t believe she said &lsquo;it&rsquo;s not like you have a baby to stay home and take care of.&rsquo;</p> <p>Just&hellip; wow.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/rdickeyvii/">rdickeyvii</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>&quot;Your baby&#39;s dead so you&#39;re free, right? What&#39;s the big deal?&quot;</p> <p>YTA for having this attitude (I know those weren&#39;t your words but it&#39;s an accurate paraphrase).</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>You could easily have said &quot;I understand that you are hurting right now, but I would really appreciate it if you would still come to the ceremony, you don&#39;t even have to stay for the reception but it would mean a lot to me to have you there&quot; but if the answer is still &quot;no&quot; then YTA for not taking no for an answer.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/mm172/">mm172</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA</p> <p>&quot;it&#39;s not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I refuse to believe you could actually type those words out and somehow still convince yourself you&rsquo;re not the a**hole here. Believe it or not, <em>nobody</em> <strong>owes</strong> you their presence at your wedding, for <em>any</em> reason.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>The loss of an entire future they&rsquo;d already started making plans for and investing enormous amounts of emotional capital in is ample cause to say, &ldquo;sorry, we&rsquo;re not up for celebrating right now.&rdquo; Which is really not a thing you would think a human being with a functioning heart or brain would need explained to them.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>So unless you&rsquo;re gunning for Bridezilla of the Decade (which honestly seems like it might be the goal), quit digging and go apologize. <em>Yesterday.</em></p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Andante79/">Andante79</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>Her child just <em>died</em>. She is grieving an unimaginable loss, a future that isn&#39;t happening anymore, a literal part of herself and her husband that is gone. How on earth you think your wedding is more important is beyond me.</p> <p>YTA.</p> </blockquote><p>And <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/thirdtryisthecharm/">thirdtryisthecharm</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA. Miscarriage isn&#39;t just a day and it&#39;s done. Depending on the age of the pregnancy she may still be bleeding, may have follow-up doctor&#39;s appointments, could require a D&amp;C if the miscarriage is incomplete. It may have been or still be a physically painful process. And that is all without touching on the emotional aspects of a miscarriage.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>If she is not up to a wedding, then she&#39;s not up to it. She is having a stressful medical incident, that is probably compounded by grief.</p> <p>&quot;I feel like my feelings are ignored and misunderstood especially from my sister&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>This is ironic since you have completely failed to empathize with her. If you can&#39;t attempt to understand her situation, then best thing would be for you to let it go and not talk with her.</p> </blockquote><p>Hopefully this bride reads these comments, takes a long, hard look at herself and realizes how selfish she&#39;s being, apologize to her sister, and enjoys her wedding (without her sister in attendance). Let&#39;s be honest, it&#39;s unlikely that will happen, but hey, here&#39;s hoping!</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Bride asks if she's wrong to be angry sister is skipping wedding due to miscarriage.

It&#39;s reasonable to have high expectations for your wedding day. Especially knowing how much those things cost to put on. But the pressure to have a &quot;perfect&quot; wedding often causes brides (and some grooms) to behave in ways that, to some, might seem unacceptable, or even straight-up sociopathic.A 28-year-old woman took to Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A**hole?&quot; forum to ask if she&#39;s wrong to be upset that her sister wants to skip her wedding due to her recent miscarriage.She writes: I (f28) am getting married next week, Invitations are out, wedding planning was complete and everything is going according to plane. However, My sister (f31) just had a miscarriage and mom told me that she told her she decided to not come to the wedding.  I was dumfounded, I called my sister to talk about it and she said she is exhausted and doesn&#39;t feel like attending, I told her that this is my wedding not some family dinner she and her husband decided to skip. The bride&#39;s sister explained that she is &quot;exhausted&quot; and &quot;doesn&#39;t feel like&quot; attending.But the bride is not accepting this. She writes: She apologized hoping that &quot;I&#39;d understand&quot; but I said that I don&#39;t (?) because I really don&#39;t understand what does her miscarriage has to do with being at my wedding - it&#39;s not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby. The bride&#39;s brother-in-law got involved, and called out the bride for being &quot;insensitive&quot; to what her sister went through. She must&#39;ve had me on speaker because her husband heard and started scolding me about how this is a traumatic experience that my sister just went threw and said that I was insensitive to talk to her like that.  I asked him to stay out of it but, he started arguing telling me to respect my sister&#39;s wish and respect that they&#39;re grieving. I insisted he let me talk to her but he said &quot;we were done talking&quot; I ended up losing my temper with him and he told me &quot;F your wedding&quot; then hung up. The groom-to-be then got pissed at the brother-in-law. And the bride&#39;s parents got involved, siding with the sister. My fiance was in the room and heard him say that. He wanted to uninvite him and my sister over this instantly but, I didn&#39;t let him. I called mom and she promised to speak to my sister and convince her to come.  My dad called me later on and started berating me about &quot;harassing&quot; my sister and told me to leave her alone, I asked him if my brother in law told him about our fight but he got defensive and told me to get off both my sister&#39;s and her husband&#39;s back and drop it. Her dad explained that the sister has a &quot;valid&quot; reason to not attend the wedding. He even called his daughter &quot;selfish&quot; for not considering her feelings. I told him how upset and hurt I was that my sister decided to skip my wedding and how little she thought of it, he replied that my sister has a valid reason and I was coming across unfeeling and selfish not to see that and lash out over her missing a party - THIS IS NOT a party, that&#39;s my wedding, it matters to me, I was there for hers why can&#39;t she do the same and show up for few hours?  Dad said he won&#39;t tell me again to leave my sister alone and urged me to stop bringing it up and &quot;gang&quot; up with mom to get my sister to go but I wasn&#39;t doing that(?). But the bride is upset because she says her feelings are being ignored. Long story short, tension has been taking over since then. mom thinks that a calm discussion will do but I feel like my feelings are ignored and misunderstood especially from my sister. I love my sister, I get her struggle but I wanted her there because I care about her. So, is the bride right to be upset at her sister? Or is she being selfish, as her sister, brother-in-law, and both her parents seem to believe?If you chose option two, you&#39;re correct&mdash;at least according to commenters, who overwhelmingly sided with the sister and called out the bride for being the &quot;a**hole&quot; in this situation. TrustedTriangle writes: YTA. Your have no idea what it&#39;s like to be carrying life and hope inside your body, then to lose all that to forces outside of your control. People need time to collect their composure and grieve. The world doesn&#39;t revolve around you, and you&#39;re certainly not a person worth gravitating towards. &quot;F your wedding&quot; &lt;--- This 100%. Captain_Quoll writes: I can&rsquo;t believe she said &lsquo;it&rsquo;s not like you have a baby to stay home and take care of.&rsquo; Just&hellip; wow. rdickeyvii writes: &quot;Your baby&#39;s dead so you&#39;re free, right? What&#39;s the big deal?&quot; YTA for having this attitude (I know those weren&#39;t your words but it&#39;s an accurate paraphrase).  You could easily have said &quot;I understand that you are hurting right now, but I would really appreciate it if you would still come to the ceremony, you don&#39;t even have to stay for the reception but it would mean a lot to me to have you there&quot; but if the answer is still &quot;no&quot; then YTA for not taking no for an answer. mm172 writes: YTA &quot;it&#39;s not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby&quot;  I refuse to believe you could actually type those words out and somehow still convince yourself you&rsquo;re not the a**hole here. Believe it or not, nobody owes you their presence at your wedding, for any reason.  The loss of an entire future they&rsquo;d already started making plans for and investing enormous amounts of emotional capital in is ample cause to say, &ldquo;sorry, we&rsquo;re not up for celebrating right now.&rdquo; Which is really not a thing you would think a human being with a functioning heart or brain would need explained to them.  So unless you&rsquo;re gunning for Bridezilla of the Decade (which honestly seems like it might be the goal), quit digging and go apologize. Yesterday.  Andante79 writes: Her child just died. She is grieving an unimaginable loss, a future that isn&#39;t happening anymore, a literal part of herself and her husband that is gone. How on earth you think your wedding is more important is beyond me. YTA. And thirdtryisthecharm writes: YTA. Miscarriage isn&#39;t just a day and it&#39;s done. Depending on the age of the pregnancy she may still be bleeding, may have follow-up doctor&#39;s appointments, could require a D&amp;C if the miscarriage is incomplete. It may have been or still be a physically painful process. And that is all without touching on the emotional aspects of a miscarriage.  If she is not up to a wedding, then she&#39;s not up to it. She is having a stressful medical incident, that is probably compounded by grief. &quot;I feel like my feelings are ignored and misunderstood especially from my sister&quot;  This is ironic since you have completely failed to empathize with her. If you can&#39;t attempt to understand her situation, then best thing would be for you to let it go and not talk with her. Hopefully this bride reads these comments, takes a long, hard look at herself and realizes how selfish she&#39;s being, apologize to her sister, and enjoys her wedding (without her sister in attendance). Let&#39;s be honest, it&#39;s unlikely that will happen, but hey, here&#39;s hoping!

It&#39;s reasonable to have high expectations for your wedding day. Especially knowing how much those things cost to put on. But the pressure to have a &quot;perfect&quot; wedding often causes brides (and some grooms) to behave in ways...