Family

<p>As an only child, I don&#39;t know the rules when it comes to siblings. But I would imagine that there is a degree of loyalty expected from brothers and sisters. And I would expect my hypothetical siblings to prioritize me over my exes. And if they didn&#39;t, well, I&#39;d throw a hypothetical fit.</p><p>But here&#39;s a non-hypothetical scenario:</p><h2>A woman who recently found out her husband has been cheating took to Reddit to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rm3433/aita_for_expecting_my_brother_to_uninvite_my_soon/" target="_blank">ask</a> if she&#39;s wrong for expecting her brother to disinvite her soon-to-be ex-husband and his friends from his wedding.</h2><p>The woman explains that her brother invited her soon-to-be ex husband before they knew about the cheating.</p><blockquote> <p>My (34f) brother (31m) is getting married in a month. My brother is not friends with my friends but he knows them by association and gets along with them and he&#39;s invited them to his wedding. My soon to be ex is also invited. He was invited anyway before I found out certain stuff.</p> </blockquote><p>Her (soon-to-be-ex) husband and brother have known each other since high school. But she says her (and her husband&#39;s) friends only know her brother by association.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>My husband and I have known each other since high-school and we shared the same friend group. His friends are my friends and vice versa.</p> </blockquote><p>But recently, she found out that her husband has been cheating on her for months and that all his friends knew about it.</p><blockquote> <p>Recently I found out my husband has been cheating on me for 4 months with another woman and all of our friends have been covering for him. They all knew and enabled him. I immediately filled for divorce.</p> </blockquote><p>She filed for divorce and her husband moved out. Her whole family was upset about his behavior.</p><blockquote> <p>I came clean to my family about it few days after I found out. They were all shocked and angry. My dad was more focused on my husband cheating but my mom was more focused on our friends covering for him. My brother was also upset because he was close to my husband. My husband has left home and he&#39;s living with his sister for now.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>But she just found out that her (soon-to-be ex) husband is still invited to her brother&#39;s wedding, and was even going to be seated next to her. She&#39;s obviously upset.</p><blockquote> <p>Yesterday the topic of my brother&#39;s wedding came up and he was talking about the seating arrangements with me and my parents. He asked me if I would be comfortable to be seated next to my husband and our friends. I looked at him in disbelief and told him he shouldn&#39;t even be asking that question. I&#39;m also upset that he&#39;s inviting them after all, especially my friends since they&#39;re not his friends at all and he just knows them by association.</p> </blockquote><p>But her brother claims it would be &quot;mean&quot; to disinvite them so close to the wedding (which is in one month). When she reminded him of the cheating and the lying, he countered that it&#39;s &quot;his wedding and he makes the rules.&quot;</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>He said it would be mean if he uninvited all of them just one month before the wedding and said that he understands why I&#39;d feel uncomfortable but he doesn&#39;t want to be mean. I reminded him how my husband cheated on me and I got lied on by all my friends who were enabling him. He says he&#39;s aware but I should not insist on him uninviting them because it&#39;s his wedding and he makes the rules.</p> </blockquote><p>So she took to Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; forum to ask if she&#39;s in the wrong here, reminding us that it&#39;s only been a month since she found out about the cheating and filed for divorce. So the pain is fresh.</p><blockquote> <p>I dropped it and didn&#39;t continue the conversation but AITA for expecting my cheating husband and the friends who covered from him to get uninvited from my brother&#39;s wedding? I want to highlight that the whole cheating issue is fresh, its barely been a month since I found out.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Commenters overwhelmingly agreed that the woman is not being an a**hole in this situation&mdash;her brother is. She has every right to be upset.</h2><p>Some encouraged her not to attend the wedding unless her brother relents.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MrsJonesy2012/">MrsJonesy2012</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA</p> <p>I would make this my hill to die on. &#39;Brother its fine if you want to invite them, but I will no longer be attending. I value my mental health, and do not want to spend time with them. I hope you have a lovely wedding&#39;.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>If your brother is choosing people he isn&#39;t even friends with over you, then it proves what a terrible brother he is. Also the fact he was going to sit you next to your soon-to-be ex-husband shows how little he actually values you.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Atty_Aveline/">Atty_Aveline</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>There are times in life where one cannot be Switzerland. There are times where there is no neutrality. When someone so fundamentally betrays your sister, you should swiftly and immediately cut all optional contact. By not disinviting the husband and his friends, you are choosing them and their comfort over her. You are. Full stop.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>You cannot hide behind manners and etiquette or politeness. Because, in such a case, disinviting the cheating ex is not a breach of good manners. It&rsquo;s a requirement of good manners. (Something I learned from a very old patrician pettit-aristocratic woman I once knew). There is no rule of etiquette that demands you keep the cheating ex and his friends as guests. Stop hiding behind that.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>What&rsquo;s really going on, brother, is you want to avoid conflict. You are doing so over your sister&rsquo;s body. You are doing so at the cost of her mental health. Be brave and take the lumps of the ex and his friends lashing out. After all, why would anyone care about their opinion of you when they clearly care so little about your sister?</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Fernoohlalaa/">Fernoohlalaa</a> writes:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>NTA. He says he doesn&rsquo;t want to be mean but doesn&rsquo;t realise how mean it is to force you to sit through all of that? His reason isn&rsquo;t that he doesn&rsquo;t want to be mean&hellip; it&rsquo;ll be something more pathetic like they&rsquo;ve already had their table plan printed.</p> </blockquote><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/annia929/">annia929</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA at all. Your brother needs to readjust his priorities. Is it worse to be &quot;rude&quot; to a shitty lying group of people who he&#39;s not actually friends with? Or alienate his sister whom he loves, by putting her in an upsetting &amp; uncomfortable situation?</p> <p>In 10 years time those friends probably won&#39;t remember this event, but you sure will</p> </blockquote><p>There you have it. Another family dispute settled in the court of internet commenters, presided over by SomeEJudge. COURT ADJOURNED!</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman asks if she's wrong to demand brother disinvite her cheating ex from wedding.

As an only child, I don&#39;t know the rules when it comes to siblings. But I would imagine that there is a degree of loyalty expected from brothers and sisters. And I would expect my hypothetical siblings to prioritize me over my exes. And if they didn&#39;t, well, I&#39;d throw a hypothetical fit.But here&#39;s a non-hypothetical scenario:A woman who recently found out her husband has been cheating took to Reddit to ask if she&#39;s wrong for expecting her brother to disinvite her soon-to-be ex-husband and his friends from his wedding.The woman explains that her brother invited her soon-to-be ex husband before they knew about the cheating. My (34f) brother (31m) is getting married in a month. My brother is not friends with my friends but he knows them by association and gets along with them and he&#39;s invited them to his wedding. My soon to be ex is also invited. He was invited anyway before I found out certain stuff. Her (soon-to-be-ex) husband and brother have known each other since high school. But she says her (and her husband&#39;s) friends only know her brother by association. My husband and I have known each other since high-school and we shared the same friend group. His friends are my friends and vice versa. But recently, she found out that her husband has been cheating on her for months and that all his friends knew about it. Recently I found out my husband has been cheating on me for 4 months with another woman and all of our friends have been covering for him. They all knew and enabled him. I immediately filled for divorce. She filed for divorce and her husband moved out. Her whole family was upset about his behavior. I came clean to my family about it few days after I found out. They were all shocked and angry. My dad was more focused on my husband cheating but my mom was more focused on our friends covering for him. My brother was also upset because he was close to my husband. My husband has left home and he&#39;s living with his sister for now. But she just found out that her (soon-to-be ex) husband is still invited to her brother&#39;s wedding, and was even going to be seated next to her. She&#39;s obviously upset. Yesterday the topic of my brother&#39;s wedding came up and he was talking about the seating arrangements with me and my parents. He asked me if I would be comfortable to be seated next to my husband and our friends. I looked at him in disbelief and told him he shouldn&#39;t even be asking that question. I&#39;m also upset that he&#39;s inviting them after all, especially my friends since they&#39;re not his friends at all and he just knows them by association. But her brother claims it would be &quot;mean&quot; to disinvite them so close to the wedding (which is in one month). When she reminded him of the cheating and the lying, he countered that it&#39;s &quot;his wedding and he makes the rules.&quot; He said it would be mean if he uninvited all of them just one month before the wedding and said that he understands why I&#39;d feel uncomfortable but he doesn&#39;t want to be mean. I reminded him how my husband cheated on me and I got lied on by all my friends who were enabling him. He says he&#39;s aware but I should not insist on him uninviting them because it&#39;s his wedding and he makes the rules. So she took to Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; forum to ask if she&#39;s in the wrong here, reminding us that it&#39;s only been a month since she found out about the cheating and filed for divorce. So the pain is fresh. I dropped it and didn&#39;t continue the conversation but AITA for expecting my cheating husband and the friends who covered from him to get uninvited from my brother&#39;s wedding? I want to highlight that the whole cheating issue is fresh, its barely been a month since I found out. Commenters overwhelmingly agreed that the woman is not being an a**hole in this situation&mdash;her brother is. She has every right to be upset.Some encouraged her not to attend the wedding unless her brother relents.MrsJonesy2012 writes: NTA I would make this my hill to die on. &#39;Brother its fine if you want to invite them, but I will no longer be attending. I value my mental health, and do not want to spend time with them. I hope you have a lovely wedding&#39;.  If your brother is choosing people he isn&#39;t even friends with over you, then it proves what a terrible brother he is. Also the fact he was going to sit you next to your soon-to-be ex-husband shows how little he actually values you. Atty_Aveline writes: There are times in life where one cannot be Switzerland. There are times where there is no neutrality. When someone so fundamentally betrays your sister, you should swiftly and immediately cut all optional contact. By not disinviting the husband and his friends, you are choosing them and their comfort over her. You are. Full stop.  You cannot hide behind manners and etiquette or politeness. Because, in such a case, disinviting the cheating ex is not a breach of good manners. It&rsquo;s a requirement of good manners. (Something I learned from a very old patrician pettit-aristocratic woman I once knew). There is no rule of etiquette that demands you keep the cheating ex and his friends as guests. Stop hiding behind that.  What&rsquo;s really going on, brother, is you want to avoid conflict. You are doing so over your sister&rsquo;s body. You are doing so at the cost of her mental health. Be brave and take the lumps of the ex and his friends lashing out. After all, why would anyone care about their opinion of you when they clearly care so little about your sister? Fernoohlalaa writes: NTA. He says he doesn&rsquo;t want to be mean but doesn&rsquo;t realise how mean it is to force you to sit through all of that? His reason isn&rsquo;t that he doesn&rsquo;t want to be mean&hellip; it&rsquo;ll be something more pathetic like they&rsquo;ve already had their table plan printed. And annia929 writes: NTA at all. Your brother needs to readjust his priorities. Is it worse to be &quot;rude&quot; to a shitty lying group of people who he&#39;s not actually friends with? Or alienate his sister whom he loves, by putting her in an upsetting &amp; uncomfortable situation? In 10 years time those friends probably won&#39;t remember this event, but you sure will There you have it. Another family dispute settled in the court of internet commenters, presided over by SomeEJudge. COURT ADJOURNED!

As an only child, I don&#39;t know the rules when it comes to siblings. But I would imagine that there is a degree of loyalty expected from brothers and sisters. And I would expect my hypothetical siblings to prioritize me over my exes....