It's time to end cargo-short-shaming.
It seems like every summer someone puts together an article damning the most comfortable article of clothing in a man's wardrobe: the cargo short. They're not cool. They look dumb. They're for dads. While there are heroes like, sigh, Carson Daly coming to our defense, the cargo short wearer is always forced back on their heels as a social pariah. Well, forget that.
Here are 5 reasons you shouldn't feel ashamed for rocking a pair of cargo shorts.
1. Cargo shorts are indestructible.
When the weekend comes around, I like to grab one of the pairs of cargo shorts I bought 10 years ago. Cargo shorts have never betrayed me and I'm not going to betray them. I have no scientific evidence or consumer reports to show that the material is tougher than regular shorts but next time you're at Target, feel the difference. The cargo short is a thick, strong article of clothing. You can't just tack on extra side pockets without the foundation being strong. And in the unlikely event that you are able to tear your cargo shorts, what bad ass superhero stuff were you doing anyway?
2. Cargo shorts are low-maintenance.
I have two kids. I don't have a ton of time to iron my shorts. Fashionable shorts are a nice idea but it's the summer. If I'm doing anything where I have to dress up, I'll wear pants like an adult. The rest of the time, cargo shorts, clean or dirty, will do. In fact, my favorite cargo shorts are scarred with reminders of productivity. Whether it's paint or grease from fixing my car (or from the wrench my dad handed me while he fixed my car), cargo shorts say, "I may not look cool but I was too busy doing stuff to notice."
3. Cargo shorts are protective.
I've never once had to put sunblock on my legs anywhere above my knees and that's all thanks to cargo shorts. If I'm sitting in a chair, relaxing at a barbecue, I don't have to worry about my pasty thighs roasting because my cargo shorts are there to protect. Likewise, if I go for a hike on a weekend, I don't have to worry about embarrassing myself at work on Monday with some unconscious thigh scratching because my fashionable, extra-pocket-free shorts exposed some skin for mosquitoes.
4. Cargo shorts are practical.
Sunblock, bug spray, sunglasses, wallet, phone, wife's wallet, wife's phone, sippy cups, snacks, keys, deodorant (that one might just be me). These are all things I can carry on me at one time because of my cargo shorts and you wouldn't even notice. If the biggest complaint about cargo shorts is that the cargo pockets are unsightly and serve no purpose, try giving them purpose. Don't lose the utility of coat pockets just because it's too hot for a coat. There's no limit to what I'll shove in a cargo pocket. I'm like a kangaroo.
5. Lastly, cargo shorts are for dads.
Besides the utility of being able to discreetly carry diapers, wipes, pacifiers, sippy cups, toys, blankies, teddy bears, etc., little kids also hand you stuff all day long. Rocks, leaves, acorns, more rocks: there is no limit to what they will find amazing enough to pick up and give to you to carry for them. Also, despite having limited bandwidth in their brain, they almost always have total recall for every seemingly insignificant thing they've given you, and unless you're willing to face the meltdown that comes from not having that really cool rock that you threw on the ground, a cargo pocket is a great place to store their treasures.
So go easy on cargo shorts, people. They may not be the coolest article of clothing, but as an adult, you should know there are more important things in life than looking cool.