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Abandon all hope of ever finding the human body sexy again, ye who enter here.

1.

Made from fast-drying microfiber developed by NASA. (via Blogspot)

Humans. Deep down, they really want to be naked, but even deeper down, they are terrified of being naked. Even deeper down then that, they just want everyone to look at them even if the attention is negative. Humans have issues. Those issues are on full display in this list, as the conflicting desires to be naked, not be naked, and attract attention even at the cost of making everyone hate them come together to form the ugliest goddamn bathing suits we've ever seen. Nudity would be classier, and an Amish frock would be sexier. Don't do this.

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2.

Just because you don't have a naturally hairy chest doesn't mean you don't deserve a dad bod.
Just because you don't have a naturally hairy chest doesn't mean you don't deserve a dad bod.

(via Beloved)

3.

Make the beach a terrifying hellscape again.
Make the beach a terrifying hellscape again.

(via Beloved)

4.


A solar-powered bikini: the green option for electrocuting yourself. (via The Richest)

5.


It's kind of feminist if you think about it. (via Imgur)

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6.


Instagram banned it. (via Pinterest)

7.


He killed and skinned the leopard himself. (via FAXO)

8.


For some reason, this screams "Tim Burton's Batman Movies." (via Oddee)

9.


"Oh, my grandma can knit much more than scarves." (via Imgur)

10.


"I held onto a rope, twirled around a bunch, and BOOM! High fashion." (via Blogspot)

11.


This bacon bikini can instantly turn into a birthday suit if you're hungry. (via The Richest)

12.


All the excitement of novelty 1970s platform shoes, with none of the class.
(via BikiniDisasters.com)

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13.


You've seen the Apple Watch, now witness the Apple This-Is-Why-We-Started-The-Neighborhood-Watch. (via Pinterest)



It's like a ghost is trying to save us from seeing her boobs. (via Heavy.com)



"If anyone else tries to float in my pool I shall tear them to shreds." (via Oddee)



You have ruined ducks and boobs for me and it shant be forgiven. (via BikiniDisasters.com)


Possibly a malfunction, but at least they don't have to worry about being tailgated.
(via Hollywood Life)


If CDs weren't already dead, this would be the point at which they commit suicide.
(via Pinterest)

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Our only consolation is that this somehow sold out. (via BlackMilkClothing)


Business in the front, open for business in the back. (via PacificJock)


It's like a Vera Bradley bag came to life and was also an idiot.
(via TheOrchidBoutique)

Heads up: This next one is pretty much just a dick. Sure, there's something on the dick, but this next one is NSFW. I'm going to say that again: there is a dick-sock rapidly approaching your eyeballs. You have been warned.

Ok you've had plenty of chances to click away.


I don't see what else you could have expected. It's a dick sock. (via Fierth)

Honorable Mention: Body Hair Bikini


Well, after that last one, this guy is practically oozing class. (via BikiniDisasters.com)