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There’s something about drinking alcohol that makes people have crazy nights they can talk about for years. Maybe it's just the brain’s physiological reaction to what is basically poison. The problem is that if you drink too much, you'll lose the ability to remember any of your antics from the night before. Recently, redditors shared the stories of their worst blackouts (not including the end of The Sopranos).

Ah, youth.
Ah, youth.
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1. CaptainDickFingers got drunk and did his laundry in the most primitive way imaginable. (And then he threw up, too. You can assume every story in this article ends in vomiting.)

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My mum walked into my room at 3am to the sight of my pissing into my laundry basket. She directed me to the toilet then to my bed and just as she went to leave me be I projectile vomited all over my bedside cabinet... obviously I don't remember this but the smell in the morning would indicate she was telling the truth.

2. In this story, ryanpilot was the designated driver—something he was far too drunk to have done, or have remembered doing.

I was drinking a lot at a party. Toward the end of the night, most people had gone and only a few people remained and then someone passed the pipe around. I remember taking a hit and the next thing I know I am waking up in my own bed. My car was in the driveway with no damage or anything out of place.

Later that night I connected with my friends and they told me that I drove several people home because I was the only person sober. They said I drove perfectly fine and followed all the speed limits and stop lights. I guess I even stopped at 7/11 and bought water for everyone I was driving home.

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3. Jansson0499 ended up in Finland. Sure, he started in Sweden, which is pretty close to Finland, but it’s not that close.

Got completely destroyed on an impromtu pub crawl, woke up in another country. Apparently the ferry from Stockholm to Turku is perfectly fine with borderline comatose passengers booking tickets and boarding.

4. While it’s true that Queef_Burgers made a terrible purchase during a bout of drunken online shopping, they also got a tremendous deal.

They said I bought a hot tub online worth about $600. Checked my Amazon and found out they were right.

"To bargains!"
"To bargains!"
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5. But how large is “large,” NonStickRabbit?

I woke in bed with a very large bowl of spaghetti bolognaise spilled under the covers with me.

6. Not everyone is lucky enough to land in the newspaper for their drunken exploits, but OgMik3y was, and fortunately that newspaper filled in a lot of holes in the story.

I once passed out in the middle of the road in the fetal position and was nearly run over by a woman delivering newspapers. The woman stopped and tried waking me up but I was unresponsive. When the cops arrived they were able to wake me up and when I was asked how much I had to drink, I simply responded, "you're looking at it". The police then charged me with disorderly conduct and took me home. I had no recollection of what fully happened until it was in the newspaper.​

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7. Dr_Coxian bring us a tale of spontaneous interstate bus travel, unnecessary Iowa bashing, and corn. So much corn.

I hopped on a bus to Kansas because, and this was quoted back to me when I called my brother for help getting back, "I want to find out if there's more corn in that shit hole than Iowa."

8. In which Squeekazu plays hard to get.

At my friend's 18th about ten years ago, I had stupidly mixed heavy alcohol with the medication I was taking at the time (I think it was fluvoxamine? for GAD).

I remember joking around with my friends one moment, then the next I was cowering in the corner, tears streaming down my face with several worried friends around me. I snapped out of it with something like, "Oh, hey guys!"

Apparently I had been sitting in the corner screaming out the name and phone number of the guy I had a crush on at the time.

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9. This story from kpw1997 sounds just like the ol’ frat days, just getting’ together with the bros, pounding some beers, and just going to town on a sick-ass Cobb.

Not me, but a friend of mine said he got drunk and ate a shitload of salad. Like non stop just devouring salad. The next morning he wakes up with heads of lettuce all around him and he has no idea how they got there.

You're a tricky one, salad.
You're a tricky one, salad.
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10. Why did a friend of cunt-hooks get attacked by a seagull? Because if it lived in the bay, it’d be called a bay-gull.

A mate of mine caught a huge seagull and held on to it as it pecked the fuck out of his hands, then threw it screeching through the door of the pub he'd just been kicked out of, and we bolted.

We woke up the next morning and he says, "What the fuck happened to my hands?"

I've no idea what happened in the pub, but I suspect it was quite amusing.
&

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11. User rytis doesn’t remember a violent game of football, but that could be because of the alcohol or the football.

In college, my friends took me along to a marathon football game at two in the morning that they were playing in, but I was just going to cheer them along, I did not attend their school. Somewhere halfway through the game, since up to then I had nothing to do but keep checking the keg to make sure it was still cold, I decided to run out onto the field and be the twelfth player they really needed. My future brother in law, the quarterback, landed a solid punch to the jaw to send me off to injured reserve, and I comfortably spent the rest of the game on the bench snoring. Woke up the next morning back in my bed with no memory of the incident.

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12. Pretty sure that this story from schoolsbelly was a direct-to-video National Lampoon-branded movie released in 2003 that starred Jason Biggs.

Took a history final and got a B. I didn't remember any of it and when I woke up the next day I panic called my professor and apologized for missing the final as I had a death in the family. Pleaded for him to let me take the final. When I finally let him talk he just laughed, a lot. He said I should quit drinking and I that I got a B.

School daze.
School daze.
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13. Here’s lucky story #13 from rumblewayne.

I once wandered home from the pub, which closed at midnight. Dad woke me up in the morning, it proceeded as follows. Dad - "How did you get home at 4am if the pub closes at 12?" Me - "I dunno" Dad - " So you probably won't be able to explain why, when you did get home, you made 13 cups of tea and then put 13 cooked sausages in them? Or why you took of all your clothes at the bottom of the stairs and neatly folded everything including your socks and left them on the bottom step?" Me - "Nope" Dad - "Fair enough. Do you realise you have a plate of curry balanced on your chest at the moment?"

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14. A user named animado is clearly some kind of sleeper agent activated by beer.

Stumbling drunk at Oktoberfest in Munich with some buddies. They decided we needed to leave the beer tents after three or seven short hours of enjoyment. We jumped into a cab and headed to some international porn festival.

Apparently I decided, mid-ride, that I was way too drunk for any kind of anything. Said, "I'm out." And stepped out of the cab at a red light and walked several miles back, in an unknown city, to our hotel whose name and address I didn't know.

Don't remember any of this.

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15. DickBallsworth became a DJ the way most DJs decided to become DJs: after a lot of alcohol eliminated all sense of reason and propriety.

Halloween 2013 one of my friends was having a huge party and i had been drinking beer steadily until i had decided to take a goblet and put beer, tequila, everclear, and some Doctor Pepper in it. After 2 or 3 of said goblet concoctions i time travel about 3 hours to find out i had completely taken my dress shirt off to just be in a vest and a mask and kicked the DJ off his computer to do my own thing. Apparently i am a great dj when i black out

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16. If you’re not going to have a middle-of-the-night chicken fry you won’t remember like Wyojhwk did, why even go to college? Why even drink? Why even do anything?

When I was in college I lived in a house with 50 guys for a year that was called a Scholarship Hall. It was a discounted housing option where the residents cooked, did general chores to keep the place from burning down in exchange for almost free housing. The kitchen in the house was great, it was a commercial grade kitchen that had almost everything needed to feed 50 dudes.

I come home one night at 3:00 in the morning and decide that I want fried chicken, so I raid the fridge. The person responsible for dinner the next day had chicken breasts thawing in the fridge, so I helped myself to it. I knew it was a good idea to cook the 25 pounds of chicken at 3:00 in the morning because what respectable chicken joint is open at 3:00!? Apparently I wasn't very quiet and it smelled like food so people started to wake up and come downstairs. People told me that the food was good, but the mess I made during my fried chicken fest was a bitch to clean up.

I woke up the next day on top of a dining room table and don't even think I got any of my fried chicken. Now every year the house I lived in has a fried chicken morning once a semester.

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Winner, winner. (Chicken dinner.)
Winner, winner. (Chicken dinner.)
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17. Plz_Dont_Gild_Me got so drunk that they thought somebody else consumed all the alcohol. It’s the circle of life, people.

One time I woke up and bitched at my friends for all eating jello shots without me.

Then they politely informed me that they didn't have any, and I ate all of them

Bonus: It looks like passing out at the beginning of a party is the best way to avoid getting into trouble. Although it didn't work out so well for this guy:

He belongs in a museum.
He belongs in a museum.