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It's election night and, win or lose, we're either going to drown our sorrows in booze or celebrate our victories with ... booze. Here are some candidate-inspired cocktails to help you put the election—and yourself—to bed.

Donald Trump's P***y Grabber

Looks sweet, but will get you plenty effed up.
Looks sweet, but will get you plenty effed up.

4 parts of "the best" vodka (whatever Putin drinks)

1 part maraschino liquor for an unnatural hue

1 part Goldschläger​

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3 dashes of orange bitters for obvious reasons

1 twist of orange

Serve in a glass small enough for any adult's hand.

Hillary Clinton's Nasty Woman

Doesn't go down easy.
Doesn't go down easy.

1 part tequila (preferred by "bad hombres")

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2 parts clam juice

2 Parts tomato juice

A few healthy splashes of Ninja Squirrel Hot Sauce sourced directly from Hillary's purse

1 splash fresh lemon juice

Mix over cracked ice in a lowball glass.

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Mike Pence's Punisher:

This Tea Party cocktail has no booze, cause that would hurt the baby you were forced to keep, but makes up for it with plenty of gas.
This Tea Party cocktail has no booze, cause that would hurt the baby you were forced to keep, but makes up for it with plenty of gas.

2 parts Lemon Zinger brewed Tea Party tea

1 part soda water

Shake together with disdain, add 1950s-era lime garnish.

Tim Kaine's Triple Threat

The only cocktail on the ballot that has served all three elected positions— for experienced drinkers only.
The only cocktail on the ballot that has served all three elected positions— for experienced drinkers only.
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1 part Governer's White wine

1 part Senator Lager

1 part El Mayor tequila

Combine all parts, stir for 30 years.