Dylan Grosz is an intern at Apartment List in San Francisco, where he was allowed to follow his passion for separating and weighing burrito ingredients.
And he's not just trying to figure out how to get a huge burrito: he's trying to figure out how to do it at NO EXTRA COST. You might call it a "hack." He explains his methodology thusly:
Every day for about two weeks, I, the intern, set off to the same Chipotle around 3 P.M. to order five of the same burritos from the same shift of workers. The control burrito I compared everything to was a white rice, black beans, chicken, mild salsa, and cheese burrito. I excluded guacamole and sour cream from all burritos so that separating ingredients wouldn’t be such a hellish nightmare that would make me cry into the burrito and mess up the data. The weights I use are an average across these five burritos. Yes, that does mean I ordered 35 burritos.
So, how do we get this magnificent burrito beast? he's helpfully outlined the steps:
1. Get your fillings in a giant bowl:
2. Get your filling's jackets on the side.
3-5. Order both of everything (duh).
6. Don't forget your veggies!
Here's the data for all you table-heads:
Yes, what's not mentioned is how hard it is to wrap your own burrito (we outsource that to the burrito technician for a reason) and also how eating this enormous thing might kill you dead on the spot, it's so huge. At the very least you'll be in a food coma so deep, Snow White will be like, "Is she okay?"
And the calories! Having them up on the menu was a real wake-up call for all of us. Take care of yourselves...and each other. Friends don't let friends order an 86% larger burrito at Chipotle.