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Conservative New York Times columnist David Brooks published an article called "How We Are Ruining America" on Tuesday. And even with everything else to rip conservatives about in 2017 America, it has taken the cake. Or, shall we say, the gourmet cured meat.

Allow me to tell you that the entire article boils down to this paragraph:

Recently I took a friend with only a high school degree to lunch. Insensitively, I led her into a gourmet sandwich shop. Suddenly I saw her face freeze up as she was confronted with sandwiches named "Padrino" and "Pomodoro" and ingredients like soppressata, capicollo and a striata baguette. I quickly asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else and she anxiously nodded yes and we ate Mexican.

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Don't worry if you, like David Brooks' friend, didn't know all those meats. You're not alone.

At this point you're asking yourself: "Wait, but what?" You don't need to try to understand Brooks' point, but if you want to, here:

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It's a long article, and it lays out some of the ways that upper-middle-class Americans make it difficult for poorer Americans to join their communities.

But forget the "construction rules that keep the poor and less educated away from places with good schools and job opportunities," writes Brooks. Forget that "upper-middle-class-moms have the means and the maternity leaves" that other moms don't.

That's all "less important than the informal social barriers that segregate the lower 80 percent" from the top 20. Social barriers like, sure, capocollo.

Capocollo is keeping poor America from joining the upper-middle-class.

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Brooks was immediately ravaged on Twitter. Rich or poor, we can all enjoy jokes about a snobby writer's meats.

There were the rewrites.

There were the confused.

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And, in the majority, there were the mean.

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Say what you will, I'm STARVING.