It's a debate that has raged ever since mankind first put a tube of strange processed meat into a bun: Is a hot dog a sandwich? Although anyone who would use the phrase "hot dog sandwich" is obviously an alien trying to pass as human, semantically it makes sense. After all, what is a sandwich but a foodstuff comprised of unwieldy edibles placed into an easily-handled bread container for convenience? Doesn't that describe a hot dog? Or did your mind just get F*CKING BLOWN?
Although many frankfurter fans would balk at the idea of their beloved tube steaks being classified with lesser sandwiches, a leading authority on words has come forward, out of the blue, to do just that. Behold this tweet from none other than the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
SAY IT ISN'T SO.
Merriam-Webster's tweet links to an article on sandwiches, which defines them as:
1) two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between
2) one slice of bread covered with food
Which seems to check out (but for the record, these dictionary people are probably communists). The article lists ten different types of sandwiches, although none of them are as controversial as the hot dog (even if the sloppy joe is a gray area). However, despite the lighthearted nature of MW's post, the reaction on the Internet was immediate and combative:
Despite the public outcry, it seems unlikely the Merriam, Webster, or any of their cronies will back down from their sausage high horse. From now on, you and everyone you live will have to live in a dystopian hellscape where hot dogs are sandwiches, cats chase dogs, and murder is legal.
At least you can comfort yourself by grilling some sandwiches at a Memorial Day barbecue this weekend. If you even want to anymore.