"Waiter, I'd like my 80 bucks back. Just six waters, please."
Powdered alcohol is not only here, but it's going to make lots of people lots of money. That's the only thing that can explain how Palcohol sailed through the federal approval process so quickly that it even caught its inventors off guard. The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau signed off on Palcohol last week, and powdered partying should be in full swing by the fall.
The company's website says that powdered versions of six drinks will be available, including Cosmopolitans and Kamikazes. The drinks can even be sprinkled on food, which will come in handy for those mornings when you're too rushed to make a Margarita and only have time for a Powderita Muffin.
Whenever someone stands to make a buttload of money, it usually means someone else stands to lose it. In this case, the potential losers would be venues like bars, sports arenas, and outdoor concert vendors, who right now are frantically creating $25 dollar stickers for bottled water. That could explain why the Palcohol website has already toned down its website and removed a few money quotes, like:
"What's worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost."
Any way you look at it, the arrival of Palcohol will be a real game changer. Then will come the first Palcohol-related death after some clown snorts a fat rail of it off a stripper, leading to Palcohol hysteria, Palcohol bans, Palcohol-sniffing dogs, and eventually, the formation of the first meeting of Palcoholics Anonymous.
(by Jonathan Corbett)