Ask not what your country can do for you, but what your president can do for your snacks.

Worse than taxation without representation. (via Dominic Perri/NYTimes)

This weekend is the Fourth of July, which means Americans will be gathering around to celebrate our independence with a variety of patriotic salt- and fat-laden snacks. But we must remain ever-vigilant against the threat of vegetables—especially English ones.

Luckily for us, President Obama is always ready to take on the turncoats at the New York Times. Those jerks want you to add English peas to your all-American guacamole (yeah yeah it's from Mexico originally, whatever, we're a melting pot).

Everyone is dumping frozen peas and copies of the New York Times into the harbor, and a concerned citizen alerted Obama to the problem via Twitter.

Sources: POTUS