Ask not what your country can do for you, but what your president can do for your snacks.
Worse than taxation without representation. (via Dominic Perri/NYTimes)
This weekend is the Fourth of July, which means Americans will be gathering around to celebrate our independence with a variety of patriotic salt- and fat-laden snacks. But we must remain ever-vigilant against the threat of vegetables—especially English ones.
Luckily for us, President Obama is always ready to take on the turncoats at the New York Times. Those jerks want you to add English peas to your all-American guacamole (yeah yeah it's from Mexico originally, whatever, we're a melting pot).
Everyone is dumping frozen peas and copies of the New York Times into the harbor, and a concerned citizen alerted Obama to the problem via Twitter.
#AskPOTUS Do you agree with the @nytimes about putting peas in guacamole? If yes, why?
— JustinGreen∞ (@JGreenDC) July 1, 2015
Obama responded promptly and with force, in what may be the greatest moment of his presidency:
respect the nyt, but not buying peas in guac. onions, garlic, hot peppers. classic. https://t.co/MEEI8QHH1V
— President Obama (@POTUS) July 1, 2015
Speak softly and a carry a big chip.