5 things that will keep you warm this winter, but won’t eat your food.

5 things that will keep you warm this winter, but won’t eat your food.

Winter is coming, and once again we face the big question: how do we stay warm at night and still wake up to all the food we had before we went to bed? Men are warm, but they eat all your food. Cats and dogs are warm but not only do they eat your food, they also expect you to feed it to them.


Here are the five best options to get warmth without sacrificing sustenance.

1. This Mermaid Snuggie.

You need that fin for couch surfing.

The only thing that is filling this $24.98 mermaid is you. That sounded dirty, but believe me: once you try this thing, you can pretty much forget about sex forever.

2. An electric fireplace.

Actual heat.

This thing only costs $139 at Home Depot and it'll keep you warm all winter and for all winters future. That's the equivalent of around 16 Chipotle burritos.


3. 16 Chipotle burritos.

Sleep next to them one at a time, or all at once!

They're big, they're warm, and they won't eat your food because they are food. Bonus: they are delicious food and you can eat it.

4. Giant corn pillow.

This woman looks warm af.

It's kind of in the shape of a person, but even better, it's in the shape of food! You can't eat it, but also, it can't eat.


5. A vegan.


They're so warm! Yes, it has been rumored that these people eat, but they won't eat your food, and that's all that matters.