A McDonald's restaurant in England now requires patrons to take a breathalyzer test before entering, in a move that will sink profits by 6 bajillion percent.
McDonald's is a classy establishment for classy people, not drunks!
(image via Getty)
The number one place you immediately regret eating while drunk now wants to protect you from yourself and your dumb choices. JK, they don't want you passing out at the counter anymore while trying to order a Big Mac.
In an effort to prevent drunk monsters from ruining the integrity of the always-pristine chain restaurant, a McDonald's in the UK will now require visibly drunk patrons to take a breathalyzer before entering. Ladies and gentlemen, our basic freedoms have been compromised! First, you can't go to McDonald's drunk. Next thing you know, you can't drunkenly watch a pee-wee cricket game when you're not "actually a parent of one of the players." It's nonsense.
The McDonald's in question is right near Trinity College in Cambridge, where a budding journalist for the student newspaper has already called the move "a flagrant and horrific violation of our human rights." Damn right, future leader of the world. This "must be sober" rule at McDonald's is this generation's segregated lunch counter. The only way to protest, is by getting extremely hammered and throwing up food from another chain restaurant before storming out. Power to the people!
This would never happen at Taco Bell, since people only eat there while extremely high.
So long, Cambridge. You'll never get to see stuff like this again: