Everyone wants to lose weight, but no one wants to actually wants to put in the work to lose weight, because (let's be real) we are lazy and food tastes good. However, it is possible to shed a few pounds by simply making a few tweaks to your daily routine. Try to adopt these few easy life style changes and make your squishy butt slightly less squishy.
1. Drink so, so, so much water.
So, this is the first thing that people tell you to do when you are looking to lose weight, but guess what? Even if you think you're drinking enough water, you are not. According to slenderkitchen.com, you should be drinking 100 ounces, or 12.5 cups of water a day in order to lose weight. Yeah. So, fill up a small kiddie pool, stick a straw in it, and go to town. You will be so bloated with water weight that you won't have any room for snacks.
Remember, anything fun to drink (alcoholic beverages with little umbrellas in them, soda, smoothies, 90% of the Starbucks menu) is high in sugar and calories and guilt. Water is boring, but at least it won't make you fat(ter).
Plus, you will be running to the bathroom to pee, like, eighteen times a day. More exercise!
Sleep More. Yay!
Hey, if you're sleeping, you can't be eating (unless you are one of those people who eats when they sleepwalk, in which case, there is no helping you). According to registered dietician Esther Blum, getting about 7-8 hours of sleep every night could keep your from making poor food choices. When you have had a full nights sleep, your refreshed brain is less likely to reach for sugary foods in search of a quick fix for energy during the day. Sleeping truly is the ultimate way for a lazy person to lose weight.
So, put up the "Do Not Disturb" sign and sleep away. If your kids come a-knocking, just yell, "Go away, Mommy is losing weight in here!"
Do at least 30 minutes of exercise daily
Let's be real, most of us don't have an extra half hour in our day, and those who do definitely don't want to spend it exercising. But according to Cosmopolitan, a publication that has been telling women what to do with their bodies for years, 30 minutes of doing anything that gets your heart rate up a day can really help you shed some pounds. Here are some ways you can exercise that don't require driving to the gym:
Do kickboxing while watching election coverage. You will kick and punch extra hard out of anger.
Walk your fat lazy dog or your fat lazy husband. If you have to suffer, we all have to suffer.
Feed your kid some pixie sticks and agree to play tag.
Get on top when having sex. It's fun cause it's sex!
Dance your ass off (literally) to whatever infuriating pop music your kids like. They will totally be into that.
Literally run away from your responsibilities. Your boss is headed toward your cubicle with a stack of papers? Run away! If you get fired, congrats! Now you have plenty more free time to exercise.
Eat three meals a day. Actually.
How many times have you tried to starve yourself during the day only to sack your fridge like a ravenous raccoon attacking the garbage at 10pm? Don't do that. Although starving yourself may give instant results, you will end up gaining weight in the long run. Plus, you'll be hangry (hungry angry) and feel like crap all day.
Instead, eat three full, balanced meals a day, and allow yourself one light snack. Just avoid white breads, pasta, and all that processed crap. Oh, and stop layering cheese on everything you eat.
Cut out excess snacking.
Instead, opt for a luxuriously long walk to the company fridge to grab an apple or some almonds. Oh! Or, maybe you can do a series of lunges to the company fridge, you damn overachiever. Then, show off your tush with a victory lap around the office that will leave your coworkers saying, "People actually eat raw almonds when they're hungry? Weird."