We are all humans with bodies that are gross and faulty, which means at some time or another we all end up at the doctor. But not everything requires a trip to the ER or making an appointment with a specialist. Often, the only thing wrong with us is a complete lack of basic knowledge, common sense, or self-awareness. Some doctors recently revealed to the people of Reddit the most mind-bogglingly stupid things for which their patients sought care.
1. Butt-Butt-but-but-b doesn't say if they gave the exam or not.
I was a medical student at the time, so I don't know if he was screwing with me or not but I had to maintain a non-judgemental attitude because my preceptor was RIGHT there. A guy (obviously male) in his late 50's came in and complained that he had never had a pap smear and that he was afraid of getting cervical cancer.
2. That is an emergency, LatuSensu. Of the highest order.
Emergency surgeon here
Got called 2 a.m. because a patient demanded to see me because "her daughters farts smelled too bad"
Kept a straight face.
3. You'll read this story from happy_go_lucky in the blink of an eye.
She stated that she noticed involuntary spasms in her eyes. Then she wanted to show me and I just stand there in an overflowing ER on a friday night and watch her blink her eyes.
I kid you not. For the first time in her live, she had become aware of her blinking and ...... well... I have no idea what she thought this might be, but she came to the ER for fucking blinking her eyes.
4. This one from saxarienask blue right by us.
My friend is a doc ar the ER. She told me about a guy who came in and was blue all over his body. He was freaking out and trashing the place in pure panic. Turned out he had bought new, blue bed sheets and they colored him blue...
5. A seminal example from Shanew1751.
Vaginal discharge... Did the pelvic exam, white/clearish discharge, I looked at the sample under the microscope & see sperm swimming around. Asked her when last she had sex, she says last night.. Which is when the symptoms started. Sigh.
6. What time did this story from ohmakersbreath occur? At tooth hurty.
Had a young man come into my ER one day complaining of dental pain. His wisdom teeth were coming in and turns out he had tried to cut them out with a steak knife. He was confused as to why this hadn't made his pain better.
When I asked why he hadn't gone to his dentist to have them removed, he said something along the lines of, "I'm really scared of needles."
Because a fucking steak knife is less imposing than a needle.
7. At least it broke up the monotony for the_coziest_sheep to see a patient who was all better.
One evening in emerg I had a woman come in because she had a low blood sugar....yesterday. And she was totally fine now.
She was having unexplained episodes of low blood sugars and was being very appropriately worked up by her family doctor as an outpatient. But she had come to the hospital for her husband's appointment and decided she would "just drop in" to emerg to see if we could do anything else for her episode that had COMPLETELY RESOLVED. Frustratingly it was a very slow evening and she was seen within an hour.
8. Ask BurningBrightly about the perfect accessory for the perfect shoes: drugs!
The one that made me headdesk the hardest was a woman who complained about pain in her feet and wanted shots of painkillers and cortisone. She was knowingly wearing shoes two sizes too small because they looked prettier. Helping people damage themselves further is not part of the job description. She refused to get fitting shoes, I refused treatment. Not a happy customer.
9. Hat's off to you, ZeGuitarist.
I once had a 17-year old girl come in at my general practice, who was very concerned about how she had "such sore and painful ears, every time she went out biking in the cold!"
When I suggested a hat, she reacted as if she'd suddenly seen the light. Went absolutely ballistic with joy, and then left thanking me for being some sort of genius mastermind doctor for "curing her".
Still not sure if I find this more funny or sad, really.
10. WowHelloHi demonstrates the volatile consequences of mixing cousins, soda, and general dumassery.
There was this young kid who was crying and told me his cousin might just be pregnant. The kid admitted that they had too much soda to drink and one thing lead to another, and they eventually made eye contact for a full ten seconds. The kid thought that this impregnated his cousin. I assured him that ten seconds is not long enough to impregnate someone. As he left the hospital, I realized that the whole thing was so stupid as I remembered that his cousin was also a boy.
11. Doctor pnutbutterjellyfine gets a participation trophy for contributing this.
A woman checked her 9 year-old son in to the ER because he was upset he didn't win an award during an academic award ceremony at school. She wanted someone to "talk to him or something, I can't deal with him". She basically wanted us to parent her child for her because she didn't want to be bothered.
12. Looks like alksreddit gave this patient a thorough… lashing.
We had an ambulance calling over the radio for a "foreign body in left eye". We started mobilizing, called the ophthalmologist on call, were ready for sharpnel, a big-ass tree branch, something big.
We get a woman with an eyelash in her inner eyelid. She got an AMBULANCE and PRIVATE ER for an EYELASH. Our only consolation was thinking the big-ass bill she probably got.
13. XLpho determined the poor sleep quality was from staring at his phone in bed.
There was a guy who came to the ER because his iPhone app told him his sleep was poor quality.
14. They probably have the drug Sxhpott1 asked about, but you can't get it at a hospital. You have to know a guy.
It was 3am and I'd been on duty in the Emergency since 8am. I was exhausted. A well dressed man came in with his 8 year old, healthy looking, son. I asked him what was the problem. He said, "Well, I was at a wedding and it occurred to me that my son is a little short. Can you give him something right now to make him taller?"
15. Hey, PandoZayas, does this apply to just diabetes meds, though? What about aspirin or statins? Asking for a friend.
Family med clinic in the boonies. Patient comes to clinic with vomiting and diarrhea acute onset.(which isn't a stupid reason to go to the doctor)
Asked what she ate recently and denied eating anything. Pressed it a bit further and found she washed her diabetes meds down with a can of uncooked clam chowder. Why that was the logical option for her is beyond me.
Gave her a pat on the back and told her to drink water because she probably has food poisoning.
16. The wife of SoundBearier met a patient who wasn't necessarily dumb, but her parents might be for not telling her how her body works.
Not a doctor, but my wife is an OBGYN. She was called for a consult by the ER because a teenage girl was bleeding. Yeah, it's exactly what you think it was. The OBGYN staff later sent the ER a copy of a Your Changing Body type book and advised that it be circulated for review.
17. "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?" - Abstrusity
Not a doctor, but I WAS a corpsman in the Navy. I had a Marine come in because he swallowed a rock. "Why," I asked, puzzled, "would you swallow a rock?"
"I was hungry."