Doctors and nurses have seen it all, treating the ills of the human body and popping cysts in all their gory glory. The stuff patients want the doctors and nurses to see is pretty gross. But the even grosser stuff happens when medical professionals walk in on their patients by accident. Now, they've taken to Reddit to share their strangest examples. You have been warned: some of these stories are super graphic.
1. The exhibitionist masturbator.
Had a guy in his late teens/early 20's constantly masturbating. Everyone walked in on it. It was on a floor where the patients were separated by curtains too. Looking back, I think he was an exhibitionist and he was making us all subjects to his masturbatory fodder, so that was fun.
2. The burnt blowjob.
Woman giving her husband a blowjob. Except that she was the patient in the burn unit, admitted after a flash fire from pouring lighter fluid on her barbecue. All the hair on her face was singed off, her face was super swollen and red, and we had caked on antibiotic ointment all over her face to treat her burns. Talk about sloppy head.
3. The OB-GYN adventures.
Ob-GYN checking in.
1) meth addicted man going down on girlfriend. 1 day postpartum. Think walking dead.
2) heroin addict injecting into her IV.
3) preterm labor patient with dilated cervix at 24 weeks having what can only be described as pornstar level aggressive vaginal intercourse.
4. The violent blowjob.
Worked Labor and Delivery one night. This younger (about 16-17) girl was in labor and had pregnancy induced hypertension. She was in the room with her boyfriend when we heard him scream. We ran in there to find her giving him a blow job, which isn't all that unusual in hospitals. But see here's the thing, if blood pressure gets high enough, people will have seizures. And when people have seizures, they tend to bite down very hard. We had to basically pry this girls mouth away from his penis.
5. The hydrating pisser.
Im not a doctor but a few years ago I went to visit a friend in hospital when I walked into the wrong room and witnessed a patient peeing into their own mouth. I was so shocked I just slowly took a few steps back and quietly left his room. EDIT: Male, I would say his age was around 18/19 from my quick glance and turn
6. The catheter handjob.
walked in on a patient's wife giving him a hand job while he had a catheter in. he looks at me and says "son you never waste a hard on".
7. The hungry patient.
Patient in the process of falling out of bed trying to reach a box of doughnuts and some fried chicken she had hidden under her bed. I think she also soiled herself when she hit the ground but I can't remember.
8. The horny geriatric bastards.
You would be very surprised at how much old person fucking is going on. Most of the time it's when a man is in the hospital and his wife comes to visit him.
They just climb right into those beds and get freaky. God bless the horny geriatric bastards.
9. The M&Ms
I was about to perform a colonoscopy and the patient was shoving M&Ms in his rectum, said he wanted to give me an Easter egg hunt.
Edit: they were the larger peanut M&Ms, at least a small bags worth. The nurses wouldn't eat them.
Edit: Nurses had a peanut allergy.
10. The brown rocket.
First internship in a geriatric ward. Me and a fellow student walk into a patient's room, who is screaming like crazy. He was known for having serious dementia. We open the door and my student-colleague gets a warm handfull of shit thrown right in his face.
Needless to say I was quite surprised, but happy I missed the brown rocket.
11. The prankster.
Not a doctor or nurse but I am a police officer, we were going to calls at a hospital for a dispute, waking through the halls of the hospital I heard someone yell "officer help help" I walked into the room that the yelling came from and there was a little bald fat man masturbating violently and just looking deeply into my eyes snickering. He tricked me