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Nery Carvajal Gonzalez, an amateur surgeon, was sentenced to 40 months in prison on Wednesday for her role in permanently disabling the penis of a man who came to her for a procedure to enlarge his organ. The Miami Herald reports that the 39-year-old Florida woman pleaded guilty and agreed to testify against Mark Schreiber, a disgraced plastic surgeon who helped her with this hack job.

Note: surgery is not a hobby.
Note: surgery is not a hobby.
Miami-Dade Corrections

The victim, a man in his mid-50s, was in the habit of receiving back-room facials from Gonzalez. He agreed to take his cosmetic treatments a step further, and received an illegal "penis filler" operation from her in a Miami-area warehouse. Tragically, like so many warehouse surgeries performed by non-doctors, it failed, and the man was left with permanent damage to his penis.

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That's when Gonzalez decided to get a real doctor involved. But not a good one. She asked Schreiber to clean up her mess, either forgetting or ignoring the fact that he was forced to surrender his medical license in 2006 after a long history of botched surgeries, including one mishandled penis enlargement that killed a patient. (He was also accused of inappropriately touching a patient during surgery, and was later jailed for two years for operating on patients without a license.)

Is this the face of a man you would trust with your penis surgery? We hope not.
Is this the face of a man you would trust with your penis surgery? We hope not.
Broward Sheriff's Office
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As one might expect from Schreiber's resume, he messed this operation up too. The victim's penis was left permanently disfigured and unable to function. Now, Schreiber faces 15 years in prison. He pleaded not guilty, but considering that Gonzalez is testifying against him (not to mention his criminal record) it seems unlikely he'll get off. Which is probably for the best, since he clearly refuses to stop performing, and bungling, surgeries.

For the record, if you're insecure about your penis (and who isn't), here's what you should do about it, in order of preferability:

1. Learn to live with it. It's not the end of the world.
2. Take those pills you keep getting emails about. They won't work, but probably won't poison you either.
3. Go to a professional surgeon and get a penile implant. (Note: this involves cutting your penis in half and reattaching it.)
4. Allow an amateur beautician you know, and her disgraced surgeon friend, to go to town on your hog in a warehouse.
5. Why are you still reading this? Go back to #1.

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Hope that helps.