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Sleepwalking is actually terrifying. Not just for those who have to deal with their spouses or family members stumbling around in the middle of the night, but for the sleepwalkers themselves, who have been betrayed by their own brains when they’re just trying to get a calming respite from the terrors of life. And yet, as these stories from redditors prove, sleepwalking can also be just plain hilarious.

Not as hilarious as an old Popeye cartoon, but still hilarious.
Not as hilarious as an old Popeye cartoon, but still hilarious.
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1. Keinichn saw his brother do something while sleepwalking that would explain why his family hates Thanksgiving.

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My brother once sleepwalked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and proceeded to piss right into a small bowl of gravy. Still hilarious to this day.

2. ExpAwesome found a knife in the bathroom and there was a perfectly reasonable explanation: dreamtime ravine monsters.

Here is one my mom told me when I asked her why a butcher's knife (from downstairs) was in the upstairs bathroom. She said she had a dream about a ravine with a rope and monsters trying to cross using the rope, so she ran and got the knife to cut it. When she woke up, she was at the top of the stairs holding a knife. She put it in the bathroom and went back to sleep.

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3. Sometimes, like Upvote_Responsibly, you just have to get yourself some sugar. Like literally. Even when you're sleeping.

Apparently during the night I had gone into the kitchen and made a loud noise when closing a cabinet door. My mom investigated the sound and found me laying on the kitchen counter, passed out, hand in a bag of sugar. She carried me back to my room and my family had a good laugh about it the next morning

4. Jelly-man likes to keep a tidy bedroom and nothing is going to get in the way of that, especially not wakefulness.

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I went to bed, nothing out of the ordinary, except it was hot so I had kicked off the comforter and was just under the sheet. I woke up the next day, backwards, with my feet by my pillow and my head at the other end. A little strange but nothing too crazy, I'm a rough sleeper, it's not too strange to think I could have turned around over the course of the night. The weird thing though, was I was on top of the covers, and the bed was made. And I mean perfectly made. The pillow was fluffed, leaning against the headboard and under the covers. The covers were neatly pressed and tucked in. And even the sheet under the comforter was flat and tucked in. The bed looked like it has never been used. That was freaky.

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5. This person deleted their account, so maybe they actually did win the lottery for the real and want their privacy?

I dreamed about I won the first prize of the lottery. And the lottery is in my mum's handbag. So I got up and searching the lottery in the bag which is hung on the wall. The noises I made woke up my mum and she came to me and asked me what I was doing. I just didn't want to tell her I won the lottery. So I told her I felt hot and I was looking for the remote control of air condition. Then she yelled at me said it's not that hot now go back to sleep. She didn't realize that I was sleepwalking. Aww I still feel guilty for not wanting to tell her I won the lottery

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All about that cash, son.
All about that cash, son.
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6. Fundindelve's uncle makes the worst sandwiches.

My dad told me about one of my uncles who was a regular sleep walker. Early one morning he dismantled an alarm clock in the kitchen and used parts of it in a sandwich.

7. Irrepressible87 has a secret life as the dream world's biggest inveterate gambler.

When I was 11, my father came home late from work one night, and glancing into my room, noticed me sitting, cross-legged on my bed, hands in my lap, fingers up; in short, posed as if I were holding cards. He greeted me, then realized that the room was dark, and my eyes were closed. I "looked" up at him, and declared that "every time I play this fucking game, I get my ass kicked", and promptly slumped out of bed and onto the floor.

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8. Let this be a lesson to you: tie down your sleepwalking friend, like moonbutton, or totally awesome stuff will happen and you'll get drunk with a homeless guy.

I went to a motel to get wasted with my friends, and because we were in a building nobody thought to tie me down, since I usually only sleepwalk when I am outdoors. Unfortunately, someone left the window cracked and the outdoors called to me, and I walked off... straight into a small ravine. That time I was only woke up bruised, but a homeless guy came up and made sure I was okay so I took him back to the room for some beers.

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9. This story from legreatescape is about to become a hot internet fad called "sleep-biscuiting."

A mate told me this one last night about some girl that he knows: She got up in the middle of the night and got a chocolate biscuit out of the packet. Then she held it up to the light until the chocolate had melted, stuck the melty chocolate side of the biscuit firmly to her sleeping sister's forehead and went back to bed. All while completely asleep.

10. User labielle87 has both excellent comic timing and physical comedy skills, but unfortunately it's only when she's asleep.

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A few weeks ago I fell asleep on the couch while my boyfriend was playing video games on our laptop in the bedroom. Apparently I walked into the bathroom turned on the hot water in the sink and filled a cup, then walked into the bedroom and asked how his game was going. He said he was getting slaughtered. I laughed said "it's about to get worse" and threw the water at him.

Splash.
Splash.
GIphy
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11. TallTonyH just wrote a treatment for The Hangover 4.

On the Thai island of Koh Tao. I fell asleep in my hotel and woke up, sitting on a parked moped yelling at a Thai lady to sell me some petrol, in my underpants, a few kms from my hotel. I had a moment like in Saving Private Ryan when on the beach he gets shell shocked and the sound gradually gets turned back on. I realized what was happening and took off running. In my dream I was in a moped race with my friends and was running low on petrol. That's how I found out I sleepwalk.

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12. What's scarier? That bluefeesh's dad has major sleepwalking episodes, or that he uses words like "winky"?

My dad used to sleep walk occasionally. One night he got up and walked straight into the door. My mom went to check on him, and apparently he had to use the bathroom so my mom walks him there. For the next few minutes we could hear him (my sister and I were in our tv room) whining and carrying on about how his "winky was broken". He sounded genuinely upset about it. He finally manages to go and my mom makes him get back in bed.

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13. The desire for chocolate runs incredibly deep. Or for yourestreetsbehind, subconsciously.

One night my mom made chocolate cake right before our bedtime. We begged for a piece but she said we couldn't have any until tomorrow and sent us to bed. My mom awoke the next day to find what was left of the cake in the middle of the kitchen floor. There was cake all over the kitchen walls and chocolate hand and foot prints leading up the stairs to my sister's bedroom. She found my sister sound asleep in her bed covered in chocolate (especially her face because she kept trying to eat the cake and missing her mouth). My sister didn't remember any of it.

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14. If you're looking for a job, do what the brother of caro822 did: go to sleep and wait for the offers to roll in.

My brother once walked down to Cumberland Farms at like 4 in the morning, filled out a job appellation,and was very surprised when he got a call telling him he had the job that he had no recollection of applying for. Sleeping him was much more productive than awake him.

15. "A Fish Smoked a Banana" is either KokiriResident's sleepwalking ramblings or the greatest song Frank Zappa never recorded.

I used to walk into my parent's room and stand over them and rub my hands together while staring at the ceiling. It probably wasn't great to wake up to. Then I would just start telling them random things. I used to go on and on about how the thing in the backyard was back and I'm still not entirely sure what that means. Once, I told them that a fish smoked a banana.

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16. Unlike in years past, today's military is a much more progressive place where soldiers like IamAbc's cohort are free to do whatever they want to with their underwear.

It's not about me, but when I was going through basic training this kid had chronic sleep walking. Every night.

He would wake up, slowly take his pants off, take his shirt off, and stand there in underwear before he reached into his wall locker and grabbed a fresh new pair of underwear. He would then take off the old ones and replace them into the wall locker and put the new ones on his arms and go to the bathroom and do PT. Like push ups, sit ups, giving reporting statements every few seconds, flutter kicks, then stand up and go back to his bed and throw his pillow and get in bed, entirely naked with underwear on his arms.

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Being all that he can be.
Being all that he can be.
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17. If there's another way to make eggs, gelindin, we haven't heard about it.

I'm not a sleep walker, but my husband is. I found him the the kitchen at the stove with a pot, spoon, and an unbroken egg in the pot. He was standing there naked shaking his little bum and moving the egg around the pot. I asked what he was doing and he whispered ' making eggs'.Then walked back to bed.

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18. Yeah, man, like StickleyMan says, mind your business and go back to Peru, whatever that is.

My roommate once found me standing in front of the fridge, freezer door open, gnawing on a frozen bagel. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him to mind his fucking business and go back to Peru. He's never even been to Peru.