There are lots of expensive, questionable medical procedures out there, but most of them at least have the good sense to not invoke ancient evil in their names. But the Vampire Breast Lift laughs in the face of your puny concerns, because the Vampire Breast Lift is an all-powerful fountain of breastal youth! OK, it's actually a procedure where a doctor takes your blood, removes the platelet rich plasma (PRP), and injects that plasma into your breasts. You wouldn't necessarily know that from the Vampire Breast Lift website, though, which literally refers to that platelet rich plasma as "the magic." The Vampire Breast Lift creator, the Kenny G-haired Charles Runels, MD, claims that the $1,800 procedure can "lift saggy breasts, improve the shape and look of cleavage, fix inverted nipples, remove stretch marks, and increase breast and nipple sensitivity."
Platelet rich plasma therapy is actually more legit than the Vampire Breast Lift makes it sound. For example, athletes sometimes use PRP injections to help recover from injuries. PRP and vampire procedures might also sound familiar because before he created the Vampire Breast Lift, Dr. Runels offered the Vampire Face Lift, which has fans like Kim Kardashian and model Bar Refaeli.
Still, the whole thing is weird, even once you get past the whole "pay me to inject blood in your tits" deal. For one thing, the Vampire Breast Lift website is a travesty of web design that screams, "Are you looking for a professional to do a medical procedure on you? Because you won't find them here!" Heck, they can't even get a list of three items right:
Anyway, if that doesn't scare you away, and if you have an extra $1,800 and a few minutes (the Vampire Face Lift only takes 15), you too can have a perky blood chest.