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My anxiety is like a helpful personal assistant, if that personal assistant was trying to help me ruin my life.


Laying on this couch for seven hours is a GREAT idea. (via Thinkstock)

I have plans for my day, but my anxiety has other ideas.

7:00 am

My plan: Wake up, do some light yoga, and eat a good breakfast. Start the day with gratitude.

My anxiety's plan: Immediately think about all of the emails I didn't write yesterday. Start composing emails in my head. Think about what would happen if I actually wrote my real thoughts in emails instead of trying to be nice to people. Get a brief thrill of power before I imagine getting an angry phone call from a friend about my real thoughts. Imagine that friend telling me how selfish I am, and revealing that everyone actually hates me. Finally get out of bed at 7:55 and shove a piece of leftover pie in my face to try to quiet my feelings. Be grateful that I managed to stop before eating two pieces of pie.