Waking up in the morning is the worst. An alarm abruptly yanks you from the twin delights of sleep and warmth into the cold, hard reality of life. That's traumatic enough, but it's not nearly as traumatic as waking up because something actually traumatic (or at least weird or gross) happened. But that's exactly what happened to the redditors on this list.
1. 90 percent of bad wake-ups are cat related, but arguably_pizza has a story way worse than a little pussy-footing or meowing.
To my cat sitting on my chest, glaring at me, and then the warm spreading sensation of cat piss. I wish I could say this only happened once.
2. Dogs will explore the house if your back is turned, or if you're asleep like AW12321 was. And they're always looking for food.
Woke up to my dog sticking her tongue in my open mouth (I snore a lot).
3. Don't ghost like icannevertell did, or it will come back to haunt you.
I had gone on a date with a girl, we didn't hit it off that well. I was young and didn't really know how to tell her I wasn't interested. I tried to scale back contact and stopped replying to messages. She knew where I lived because my neighbor was her best friend.
I woke up one day to her standing over me. I had no idea how to react. So I did probably the worst thing I could do and just pulled the blankets over my head, rolled over, and ignored her until she left.
4. Getting murdered in your sleep is bad, but SaraSmile416 thought she'd been woken up to help out with a murder.
My roommate was acting in a play. One night she was at rehearsal and I fell asleep on the couch. I was awakened by her shaking me violently awake. I opened my eyes and I see her covered in blood.
"SaraSmile416, where's the shovel!?" she screams.
I'm sure my face went absolutely white and my heart stopped for a moment. Then, thinking the worst, I get up and go to find the shovel. I return with it only to find her doubled over in laughter... they were using fake blood at rehearsal and it got a little out of hand.
But, to my credit, I was ready to help hide the body.
5. GunnarHamundarson had a dog that did what all dogs do. Its only crime was not finishing before everybody woke up.
The moronic little chihuahua/pug mixture my wife was fostering shit on the bed, ate the shit, then vomited the warm shit-vomit all over my chest, waking me up with a smell that should not be smelled by mortal men.
6. His name is Gregor Samsa, SlightlyStable.
To a giant cockroach sitting on my chest staring at me.
7. Stories, like this one from CakeIsaVegetable, never have a happy ending if they begin with "I felt something moist on my face."
I rolled over and felt something moist on my face, after waking up a few moments later I realized I had a massive headache and looked down to see my pillow and the corner of my sheets SOAKED in blood.
I had a dream I was being attacked by parasite worms that wanted to invade my brain by traveling up my nose, 5 attacked at once and one got in. I tried to grab it by shoving my entire finger up my nose and scratching the worm out and blowing my nose to push it out. I guess I did all these things while asleep and ended up scratching out a large chuck of nostril flesh and my constant nose breathing kept pushing clotted blood out onto my pillow.
8. Black_Sparrow experienced a transformer-related bomb not witnessed since the last Transformers movie.
I had been up till 2am the night before. I was dead asleep when at 6:45am a transformer on the power line right outside my bedroom window exploded. For those who have never heard one explode before, it sounded like a bomb went off right next to me and there is a very bright flash of light. Waking up to that from a dead sleep was terrifying. After grabbing my knife and gathering up the courage, I looked out my window expecting to see stuff on fire, but everything looked fine. Then I realized the power was out and knew exactly what happened.
9. User hjartajuv avoided the most common nightstand liquid risk: spilling it all over the place.
In my sleep I reached for the water bottle on my nightstand to get a drink, but ended up grabbing a bottle of nail polish remover instead. I fully woke up as I took a big sip. Fortunately I spit it out before swallowing.
10. Sometimes the dead person with the dismembered arm is inside you all along, right ebeemeow?
Fell asleep with my arm wrapped over my head. Arm fell asleep, went cold. I woke up thinking a dead arm was caressing my face. Leapt out of bed screaming and looking for a dead person or dismembered arm in the sheets.
11. Panda5151 did the Ice Bucket Challenge. Without being told. While sleeping.
Every morning while I was growing up my dad would attempt to wake me for school and I wouldn't get up until it was almost time to leave... generally making us late every day. One morning, he got sick of my shit and dumped a huge bucket of ice water on me. For the remainder of my childhood I woke up on time for school.
12. PowerMonkey500 seems to be assembling some sort of subconscious art installation.
A few months I woke up with the front door open, my lamp at the foot of my bed, and a few sticks of deodorant under my pillow. I live alone.
13. All men should aim to be as cool as countrymusickills's dad.
Dad buys a gorilla suit and a new camera on a Friday night that I'm not home. I get home late Friday night and crash hard. He proceeds to put on the suit and give the camera to my mom at 730 am on Saturday. He gets into bed and starts spooning me. I turn around and sock him in the gorilla chops and scream like a little girl. He loves to show off this video.
14. It's the earthquake that woke MoronLessOff; it's the raccoon fight that kept him up.
I'm a heavy sleeper. One early morning, probably around 3am, my wife was shaking me trying to wake me up. I started to come around and heard these wild growls and roars, some kind of animal that I can't recall hearing before. Then I realized the entire room was shaking. I started to freak out. Still groggy, I thought there were monsters in our house. As in Where the Wild Things Are sized beasts coming to eat us. Turns out that there was an earthquake, and raccoons were fighting over our bird feeders just outside the bedroom window.
15. User cheekybuffalo was also awoken by animals… with sexy results.
Two skunks mating right outside my bedroom underneath our deck. The smell itself woke me up - it was HORRENDOUS.