Do you love Halloween? Then you would love having an anxiety disorder! Okay, maybe not. But speaking from experience, when you have a brain that makes you scared for no reason (not to brag), it really is kind of like Halloween lasts all year round. This is why:
1) You are scared.
Halloween is all about being scared ON PURPOSE. Which is mind-boggling for someone who already suspects there is danger lurking around every corner (there rarely is). When every email from my boss could mean I'm getting fired and any subway car is a potential death chamber, that's my brain chemistry doing its part to keep me scared on a daily basis. So, I'll pass on the ghost stories.
2) Every house is haunted.
Sure, maybe not every house—only the ones with people inside. Because chances are, if you're entering a house that is not your own, you're participating in some kind of social event, like—*gasp*—a party. And all parties are haunted by people asking questions like "so, what do you do?" That's when you have to find the snack table and hide there hoping a zombie comes and eats your brain so you have a good excuse to leave.
3) You can't decide what to wear.
If you think picking out a Halloween costume is hard, try choosing what to wear every day when you have an anxiety disorder! The wrong pair of pants could send you spiraling. Your bra is trying to kill you, and so is any color other than black or grey. The best case scenario is to dress up as "person who is staying home this year to watch Netflix."
4) You eat until you're sick.
If you like binging on unhealthy foods, you will love Halloween, or having an anxiety disorder! Because feelings are terrifying and the easiest way to shut them down almost always contains corn syrup. You don't need to wait for October 31st to binge on sweets until you're curled in the fetal position asking yourself "whyyyyyyyy?" For some of us, that's just Tuesday.
5) People keep knocking on your door asking for things.
When you have anxiety, anything that interrupts you when you're at home having your "you time" (which is preferably all the time) is jarring. And this happens year-round. Whether it's a postal worker or a Jehovah's Witness or kids asking for candy, you know they mean well but you just want to be left alone. Preferably with candy. That you don't have to share.
6) Things are not what they seem.
She's your mom. But on Halloween, she could be a zombie. Or far more terrifying, she could hand out organic apples instead of Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. Halloween season is a time when things and people are not always what they appear. But that's every day when you have a brain that tells you anyone could be out to get you. Even (and maybe especially) your closest family members.
7) Everything is about death.
Skeletons, ghosts and graveyards are central themes of Halloween. They are also reminders that we are all merely passing through this transient, mortal realm. If you have anxiety, you probably don't need the reminder. For me, thinking about death is like breathing: It scares me and I do it constantly.
Jealous yet? Don't be. There is such a thing as TOO MUCH Halloween. Which is why this year, I will be dressing up as woman who, thanks to medication and therapy, thankfully leads a relatively normal life. Now, give me all your candy.