Fiona Apple’s Christmas song roasts Trump’s nuts on an open fire.

Fiona Apple’s Christmas song roasts Trump’s nuts on an open fire.

Fiona Apple has re-emerged from the magical forest where she most likely dwells and dropped a humdinger of a holiday song targeting the president-elect. The acoustic re-make of the classic "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" is hilariously called "Trump's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire" (you can listen here). And it's chock full of burns like "you'll cry creepy uncle/every time he arrives" and "everybody knows some money and entitlement/can help to make the season white."


This may not be your Trump-loving dad's favorite Christmas song. But it is surely mine! It takes aim at everything from Trump's history of alleged sexual assault to his ties to white supremacy (there's a lot to work with). Here are the full lyrics:

Trump’s nuts roasting on an open fire
as he keeps nipping at his foes.
you’ll cry creepy uncle
every time he arrives
for he keeps clawing at your clothes
everybody knows some money and entitlement
can help to make the season white
mothers of color with their kids out of sight
will find it hard to sleep at night.

They know that truuump is on his way.
he’s got black boys in hoodies locked up on his sleigh
and every working man is going to cry
when they learn that Letch don’t care how you live or if you die

Sooo I’m offering this simple phrase
to kids from 1 to 92
although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Donald Trump, fuck you


This just may be the miracle we all needed to save Christmas this year. God bless us, everyone! Ok, maybe not everyone.