For people who are strongly anti-cheating, it's tough to understand how anyone could justify hooking up with someone else's partner.
Thankfully, the side chicks and side dudes of Reddit have answered the simple question: "Why?"
Here's what some of them said (get ready to be mad).
jessysav really thought her illicit relationship was "therapeutic"...
I had recently broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years, where he emotionally and physically abused me the second half of it. He had cheated on me no less than 7 times, so when I finally found the courage to leave I felt scourned and selfish.
A good male friend of mine, who I knew had a girlfriend, was constantly hitting on me now that I was single, and I had always fantasized about him, and now that I was single, I was in too dark of a place to care about his girlfriend, I finally wanted my comeuppance. I ended up being his side chick for about 2 months before I realized that the "relationship" wasnt as therapeutic as I thought, and I was only hurting other people.
I consider that honestly one of the worst things I've ever done. If I could take it back I absolutely would. I ruined a loving relationship of 4 years because another totally separate relationship of mine fucked me up from the inside.
Heartbreak drives to to raltionalize the irrational. I have learned how utterly disgusting cheating is from both sides, and I will NEVER be a part of it again. With that I will also never stsy in a cheating relationship ever again.
zytz justified his cheating because he pretty much lost faith in humanity for a minute.
i was pretty low for awhile after my ex wife and i split up. i had been cheated on and i had a pretty drastic change in heart about how i felt about hooking up with someone who was married, given things that had gone down in my own relationship. Came to feel like, if me hooking up with a married woman was a problem, it was a problem between the husband and wife, and their marriage. I felt like if the woman had decided to sleep around she was going to do it, so it might as well be with me.
I don't do that anymore, but i don't think it's because i've fixed my point of view. I was hooking up with a lot of shitty people and decided to stop that behavior, and came to realize most folks that would cheat on a spouse are shitty people. pretty jaded on relationships and people in general these days
locatian got the old "we're breaking up soon" line.
Moved to Australia to work for the summer and got super close with a girl from work. We would hang out just about every day, but I knew she had a boyfriend so never thought anything more of it. After a couple weeks things were getting more and more intimate between us and eventually led to hooking up and staying over at her apartment a number of times. I felt awful but justified it by knowing I never made a move on her, and it was her choice to go through with it.
It was weighing heavy on my conscious so I told her while she was in a relationship we couldn’t continue hooking up. She told me that she was planning on breaking up with her boyfriend, which made me feel slightly better. A couple days later she told me she broke up with him so we got back to hooking up. Only for me to find out at the end of the summer just before I flew back to Canada, they never actually broke up.
My first time being in a situation like this and would definitely never voluntarily go through that again.
tempuserthrowaway5 served as side chick to her ex.
I was an original numero uno, but after my divorce became the side chick for a little while. The reason was nostalgia. ... I hooked up with my ex husband post divorce while he was seeing somebody. He was playing us against one another for a while...I don't even know how long. He's with her now and I won't go back to all that again. ... We were split up but then had "talked" about getting back together. At first he didn't even mention she was around in the back ground. He would make dates with us on alternating days. Then I found out about her when I went on the wrong day. I see her as a side effect of me not staying gone.
Some, like FrauHelga, said they had no idea they were the side piece until it was too late.
Sometimes you end up going home with your boyfriend and after freaking out because his WEDDING PICTURE his hanging on the wall, all he has to say is, "I thought you knew."
newsorpigal pretty much nailed it here.
Basically because I have no intrinsic sense of self-worth whatsoever, and the most potent method of feeling good about myself I've ever experienced is to be sexually desired by someone. Combine that with the fact that people who are looking for secret side action are often very eager and not particularly picky, and you have the perfect opportunity for someone like me to stave off the worst symptoms of depression for a while longer.
Daarios explained a similar feeling.
That's my experience as well. It's never been about the person, the thrill, or even just a lack of morals. I simultaneously hate what I'm doing but can't stop because it's the only time I ever feel wanted or even liked by another person. I hate myself already so adding one more terrible aspect to my life seems an okay trade off for those few stolen moments of fake happiness.
So did Jenny010137. We're sensing a theme of low self-esteem here.
I was desperately lonely and he paid attention to me. It absolutely was not worth it.
operajames figured it was okay to date someone with a partner because said partner was doing time for rape.
I had a huge crush on a girl in a club I was looking to join a few years ago. I joined the club through a rigorous audition process and we talked for a long time throughout the vetting process. She mentioned that she often went blues dancing late on Saturday nights so I ended up going and we eventually hung out more and more once I got into the club.
On a club retreat, there were too few beds so we ended up sharing a bed with two other friends of mine and we talked all night. From then on, it was clear something was happening so we had a long conversation. To her credit, she was very open about her situation: She was in love with a man sentenced to prison for two years for rape and she herself was raped by a different man during high school. She was also currently dating three other guys with permission from her jailbird.
Ultimately, I decided to date her because I was convinced I could be a better boyfriend than a convicted rapist and she would leave him and the other guys. She ended up dating me exclusively within a week but continued to talk to the guy in prison for the following nine months we were together. He called her nearly every night and they talked from anywhere between fifteen minutes and two hours, often with me beside her because we hardly spent a night apart.
I loved her so much, but she ended up staying true to her word and decided to stay with him and we broke up before we left for separate studies abroad. I ended up meeting him a few times when he showed up to the club meetings after we both got back and I’m not sure anyone in the club knew the full story. She supposedly told him everything that happened while he was in prison but I’d be surprised about that. They’re still together today and I walk away with the thought that if they don’t get married, I’ll be pretty pissed off. Still, I learned where I was willing and unwilling to compromise in a relationship and, ultimately, that compassion is an easy thing to give even when things are hard. While the aftermath hurt like hell, I became stronger for it and have had an easier time opening up to the people I’ve loved since.
tempthrowaway457 "felt a strong emotional connection and decided to be a selfish, shitty person."
We originally met at a party and started randomly popping into each other all over town. Ive never felt as strong a connection with anyone as I have with her, so compatible across so many dimensions. We would hang out as friends for a while but there was definitely a lot of tension between us.
One night she comes out with my friends and I and we end up drunkenly hooking up at my place. This leads to an affair that lasted a few months. We would eat lunch, work out, play softball, make dinner, had our own spots around town, etc. I felt more like the main dude to be honest. This was all really fucked up but I caught feelings and kept going with it. Eventually I fell for her and said I wasnt cool with what we were doing anymore but wanted to pursue what we had without strings attached.
Cue a month of her flip flopping back and forth on whether she wants to date me or stay with bf; he knows about the affair and wants her back. She keeps talking to me but also talks with her (ex?) too so at this point I dont know what their deal is. She has come to parties with me and him in recent months; even coming with him once and taking me home, though the reason was I ended up getting sick, she didnt talk to me much before that.
All I know is Ive been a nervous wreck about this whole situation and fully deserve it. I have no idea who is the side dude or not but she has me hooked.
Why did I do it? I felt a strong emotional connection and decided to be a selfish shitty person. I ruined this dude for no reason and ruined any possible relationship with someone I love because I didnt stand my ground when this all started