life

<p>What&#39;s the right thing to do when you suspect your friend is being emotionally abused?</p><p>That&#39;s what one man is asking himself after he confronted his friend&#39;s partner at a dinner party gone wrong. Not only is the partner mad at him now, but so is the friend &mdash; and he&#39;s wondering if he mishandled the situation. He <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mlnc3p/aita_for_calling_the_host_of_a_dinner_party/">took to Reddit</a> to ask for advice.</p><h2>The man says it happened at a dinner party:</h2><blockquote> <p>We had dinner on Monday with 3 couples (yes, within the restrictions rules in my country.)</p> <p>The host is a good friend of mine of 6 years.</p> <p>Anyway. Picture it, we are all sitting down for this beautiful candlelit dinner and he tells us a funny story about something at work last week. As he told it he was playing with a spoon in his hand, just fiddling with it and nothing super distracting. His girlfriend reaches out and firmly grabs his hand to stop.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Then, she got kind of aggressive:</h2><blockquote> <p>She says &ldquo;stop. touching. the. spoon&rdquo; in a threatening tone in-front of everyone else, who were now looking super uncomfortable. But the thing that surprised me was the look of fury and hate on her face.</p> </blockquote><h2>He continued to notice strange behavior:</h2><blockquote> <p>The night goes on and I start noticing all these little things she&rsquo;s doing to belittle him. He stuttered and she repeated it back to him mockingly. She talked down to him and said &ldquo;are you stupid?&rdquo; under her breath when he didn&rsquo;t understand what some word meant.</p> </blockquote><h2>He says his friend&#39;s personality has changed:</h2><blockquote> <p>But the thing is, I&rsquo;ve noticed a change in him. He&rsquo;s more nervous and jumpy. From what others have told me, she has a tendency to just snap over nothing and insult people close to him. For example, when he took her to meet his family she was rude to them, &ldquo;jokingly&rdquo; called his mother a drunk and got into a shouting match with his sister over politics. I once invited him to a party pre-corona but he declined because he was scared she would start a fight with my guests...</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Then, the last straw:</h2><blockquote> <p>The night went on and around 10pm he got up to adjust the dimmer on the lights when something went wrong and it wouldn&rsquo;t work. I could see he was getting flustered and nervous, suddenly she LEAPS out of her chair and stands right in front of him shouting &ldquo;WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TOUCH IT?! IT WAS FINE. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!&rdquo;</p> </blockquote><h2>He confronted her:</h2><blockquote> <p>I got so damn upset that I stood up, shaking like a leaf and told her I can&rsquo;t watch her abuse him like that and that she is massively &ldquo;toxic and abusive&rdquo;.</p> <p>Needless to say, everyone was kicked out shortly after it. He texted me an hour later telling me I ruined the evening and I just should&rsquo;ve minded my own business and not get involved.</p> </blockquote><h2>The people of the internet sympathize with his desire to help his friend, but ultimately they say that a confrontation at a party was not the way to go about this.</h2><p>LilLatte says this was a bad move:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I&#39;m sure you felt quite woke and heroic when you stood up in front of everyone and called her out on her behavior. However, despite you saying you &quot;I can&rsquo;t watch her abuse him like that&quot; you actually escalated the situation further and no doubt as soon as everyone was out of the house, he was punished for that, too.</p> </blockquote><p>They add:</p><blockquote> <p>Abuse is not something like racism or homophobia or transphobia, where calling someone out results in public shame and at least a surface-level change. If you call out an abuser like you did and do not have the means to separate the victim from them immediately, you are only making things worse for the victim.</p> </blockquote><p>And jmgolden33 agrees:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Sure, she is obviously a terrible person and your friend deserves someone sticking up for him... I respect your motives.</p> <p>But not sure how your confrontation was helpful - other than giving you some momentary satisfaction. You would have probably been better off confronting her in private, or talking with your friend about how you can support him. Now he&#39;s got an extra problem to deal with in managing this conflict between you two.</p> </blockquote><p>your-yogurt says:</p><blockquote> <p>Word of advice: you don&#39;t confront abusive people unless you can guarantee you can get the victim away. Because if this is how bad she treats him in public, imagine how she reacts when they&#39;re alone. I know you had good intentions, but you may have made it worse for him</p> </blockquote><p>Forward-Squirrel7889 says:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>She is clearly terrible. But the way you handled it was not helpful - and potentially even harmful. You got to leave after shouting at her, he didn&#39;t.</p> </blockquote><p>But kaosi_schain disagrees:</p><blockquote> <p>I have, and will always call out abusive behavior, to the point of police involvement. I had to get a family member out of a situation and have been held for assault, as was the abuser. I regret none of it and think less of people who do so little to help. These men and women are not powerful. They are not gods or superhuman. I am not saying to get violent. I&#39;m saying they are nothing more than a weak human being with flaws, secrets to hide, and fears. They eat, sleep, shit just like you.</p> </blockquote><p>They continue:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>This became a public callout when she did it at a dinner party. I would literally call a DV/abuse hotline IN FRONT OF THEM if I had witnessed this in person. The second I observe it, the abuser made it my problem.</p> </blockquote><p>MiMaMoMoFx says he did the right thing:</p><blockquote> <p>Everyone should have said something. Your friend might not appreciate it now, but after they&#39;ve broken up and look back on what an awful person she was, they&#39;ll probably appreciate someone saying something.</p> </blockquote><h2>So while there&#39;s no cut-and-dry solution to this, it seems he should make sure to talk to his friend about it privately.</h2><p>Hopefully the friend can find a way out.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man asks if he's wrong for calling out friend's 'toxic, abusive' partner at party.

What&#39;s the right thing to do when you suspect your friend is being emotionally abused?That&#39;s what one man is asking himself after he confronted his friend&#39;s partner at a dinner party gone wrong. Not only is the partner mad at him now, but so is the friend &mdash; and he&#39;s wondering if he mishandled the situation. He took to Reddit to ask for advice.The man says it happened at a dinner party: We had dinner on Monday with 3 couples (yes, within the restrictions rules in my country.) The host is a good friend of mine of 6 years. Anyway. Picture it, we are all sitting down for this beautiful candlelit dinner and he tells us a funny story about something at work last week. As he told it he was playing with a spoon in his hand, just fiddling with it and nothing super distracting. His girlfriend reaches out and firmly grabs his hand to stop. Then, she got kind of aggressive: She says &ldquo;stop. touching. the. spoon&rdquo; in a threatening tone in-front of everyone else, who were now looking super uncomfortable. But the thing that surprised me was the look of fury and hate on her face. He continued to notice strange behavior: The night goes on and I start noticing all these little things she&rsquo;s doing to belittle him. He stuttered and she repeated it back to him mockingly. She talked down to him and said &ldquo;are you stupid?&rdquo; under her breath when he didn&rsquo;t understand what some word meant. He says his friend&#39;s personality has changed: But the thing is, I&rsquo;ve noticed a change in him. He&rsquo;s more nervous and jumpy. From what others have told me, she has a tendency to just snap over nothing and insult people close to him. For example, when he took her to meet his family she was rude to them, &ldquo;jokingly&rdquo; called his mother a drunk and got into a shouting match with his sister over politics. I once invited him to a party pre-corona but he declined because he was scared she would start a fight with my guests... Then, the last straw: The night went on and around 10pm he got up to adjust the dimmer on the lights when something went wrong and it wouldn&rsquo;t work. I could see he was getting flustered and nervous, suddenly she LEAPS out of her chair and stands right in front of him shouting &ldquo;WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TOUCH IT?! IT WAS FINE. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!&rdquo; He confronted her: I got so damn upset that I stood up, shaking like a leaf and told her I can&rsquo;t watch her abuse him like that and that she is massively &ldquo;toxic and abusive&rdquo;. Needless to say, everyone was kicked out shortly after it. He texted me an hour later telling me I ruined the evening and I just should&rsquo;ve minded my own business and not get involved. The people of the internet sympathize with his desire to help his friend, but ultimately they say that a confrontation at a party was not the way to go about this.LilLatte says this was a bad move: I&#39;m sure you felt quite woke and heroic when you stood up in front of everyone and called her out on her behavior. However, despite you saying you &quot;I can&rsquo;t watch her abuse him like that&quot; you actually escalated the situation further and no doubt as soon as everyone was out of the house, he was punished for that, too. They add: Abuse is not something like racism or homophobia or transphobia, where calling someone out results in public shame and at least a surface-level change. If you call out an abuser like you did and do not have the means to separate the victim from them immediately, you are only making things worse for the victim. And jmgolden33 agrees: Sure, she is obviously a terrible person and your friend deserves someone sticking up for him... I respect your motives. But not sure how your confrontation was helpful - other than giving you some momentary satisfaction. You would have probably been better off confronting her in private, or talking with your friend about how you can support him. Now he&#39;s got an extra problem to deal with in managing this conflict between you two. your-yogurt says: Word of advice: you don&#39;t confront abusive people unless you can guarantee you can get the victim away. Because if this is how bad she treats him in public, imagine how she reacts when they&#39;re alone. I know you had good intentions, but you may have made it worse for him Forward-Squirrel7889 says: She is clearly terrible. But the way you handled it was not helpful - and potentially even harmful. You got to leave after shouting at her, he didn&#39;t. But kaosi_schain disagrees: I have, and will always call out abusive behavior, to the point of police involvement. I had to get a family member out of a situation and have been held for assault, as was the abuser. I regret none of it and think less of people who do so little to help. These men and women are not powerful. They are not gods or superhuman. I am not saying to get violent. I&#39;m saying they are nothing more than a weak human being with flaws, secrets to hide, and fears. They eat, sleep, shit just like you. They continue: This became a public callout when she did it at a dinner party. I would literally call a DV/abuse hotline IN FRONT OF THEM if I had witnessed this in person. The second I observe it, the abuser made it my problem. MiMaMoMoFx says he did the right thing: Everyone should have said something. Your friend might not appreciate it now, but after they&#39;ve broken up and look back on what an awful person she was, they&#39;ll probably appreciate someone saying something. So while there&#39;s no cut-and-dry solution to this, it seems he should make sure to talk to his friend about it privately.Hopefully the friend can find a way out.

What&#39;s the right thing to do when you suspect your friend is being emotionally abused?  That&#39;s what one man is asking himself after he confronted his friend&#39;s partner at a dinner party gone wrong. Not only is the partner mad at...