Woman asks if she's wrong to 'cancel' Thanksgiving due to SIL's dietary restrictions.
Cooking for a big group is hard enough without dietary restrictions. In today's world of gluten-free, paleo, keto and vegan diets, how much energy should a home chef expend trying to cater to everyone?
One woman has posted on Reddit asking for advice about this. She got so fed up with her sister-in-law's constantly evolving dietary needs, she decided to cancel Thanksgiving. Some members of her family are furious, so she's wondering: is she the a-hole?
She's been hosting the holiday for 20 years:
I 40F have hosted Thanksgiving for my family (husband, children, mother, siblings and their spouses) for the last 20 years. There was never an issue until my brother met his now wife Julie* five years ago.
Her brother's wife is into fad diets:
Julie is very big into fad diets (Atkins, keto, South Beach) and every year she sends me a list of foods that she cannot eat and a list of things that she can. Last year I cooked her the exact keto foods that she wanted and she was upset the entire meal because my brother didn't want to eat it with her so they fought at the table.
Her latest diet comes with a list of foods she can't eat:
Last week she sent me a text message that she is now on the fertility diet as they are starting IVF and sent me another list of foods that she cannot eat and a planned menu for me to cook for her.
But the woman who's cooking isn't having it:
I texted her back and told her that this year I was making one meal and one meal only and she could either eat what was being served or bring her own food. She texted back and told me that I was being selfish and didn't care about her.
Her brother (the squeaky wheel's husband) says it's not fair:
My brother called me up the next day and asked if I was happy about ruining Thanksgiving and started to yell about how at their BBQ last summer they catered to my food allergies (I am deathly allergic to strawberries and have an epi-pen). I told my brother that this was not the same as a life threatening food allergy, that this was dietary choice, and it changes every year.
He got their mom involved:
He called my mother, who told him that we all find it difficult to keep up with Julie's dietary needs and that if she wants special foods, she needs to bring them herself.
Now my entire family is fighting with each other, my brother won't speak to me and my SIL is posting nasty things about me on Facebook.
The woman and her husband agree that the drama is out of hand:
I talked to my husband about this, and he said this was 'ridiculous high school bullshit drama.' He told me he would be fine canceling the whole meal and it just being our family. I agreed with him and sent everyone a text message. I told them that Thanksgiving at my house is canceled. That I am serving (Thanksgiving menu). If they want to come over and eat with us, they are welcome to do so.
Her sister is on her side, but not everyone is:
My sister is thrilled that I finally said something about it. She hosts Christmas dinner and is also tired of cooking extra meals. My mom however is upset that we are all fighting and thinks that I shouldn't have canceled the meal. Now I am starting to feel guilty, but my husband and my son say that I need to stand my ground and not give in to Julie and my brother.
So [am I the a-hole] for canceling Thanksgiving?
The people of Reddit say she has every right to be fed up — but also she should probably cancel Thanksgiving anyway because of that little pandemic that's going on.
FutureChrome says the host has no obligation to adhere to other people's restrictions:
If you have made lifestyle choices, you're responsible for them. The host doesn't have to accommodate it.
The comparison to deathly allergies is just stupid.
And glittereggs points out that she didn't even actually cancel the holiday:
You didn't cancel the meal as there's an open invite. You just cancelled cooking a separate meal for Thanksgiving.
If your mom is so upset, she can either a) Host Thanksgiving herself; b) come over to your place and cook Julie's meal so the responsibility doesn't fall on you, the person who's already cooking a meal; or c) ask your brother and sister-in-law to host Thanksgiving so all of Julie's dietary wants can be met.
IridescentAxotl says people with dietary restrictions shouldn't expect special treatment:
Vegetarian here : I made a dietary choice, much like your sister, and it’s pretty annoying for some people to try to accommodate. I NEVER expect people to make whole separate meals for me, but I do appreciate it when (especially during thanksgiving) there’s one or two things I can eat.
So ur [not the a-hole] OP, it’s not your responsibility to accommodate her. While I’m sure she’d appreciate it, her behavior is inappropriate for an adult and you shouldn’t feel like you have to bend to her will.
And WantDastardlyBack says what many of us are thinking:
Honestly, with COVID rates skyrocketing most everywhere, many state leaders are asking people to not hold Thanksgiving gatherings anyway. I know my state is back to urging gatherings of no more than two families and no more than 10 people period. I'd just go with - canceling because of COVID - and be done with it.
Eldritchjellybean agrees:
I honestly think anyone hosting large Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners this year is pretty a**holish. People acting like they can't give up one holiday season in order to prevent the spread of a goddamn pandemic just baffles me. I'm reaaally sick of quarantining and would love to see family like normal too. It's not the responsible thing to do this year.
Maddie215 agrees:
This year cancelling is ok even without family drama
And I cannot believe your brother equates a special choice diet with text demands to not serving strawberries !