Wedding planning is a minefield no matter what — but this woman's story includes just about every touchy subject you can think of.A Black woman wrote to Reddit asking for advice after her white mother and siblings insisted that she help plan a wedding on a Southern plantation — and told her her feelings were no big deal when she voiced concerns.To make matters worse, her brother — the groom — is just getting over cancer. And her future sister-in-law ended up finding the Reddit post. Oof.Buckle up, y'all!The woman says her choice to back out of the wedding is causing a massive rift. My refusal to help pay and attend my brothers plantation wedding has caused a massive rift between myself,my family and future sil. My maternal side of the family is white and I am the only black person on that side of my family. My mother had my siblings with her first husband who died of cancer and then she had me after a short lived fling with a Black British man. My brothers are white and so are their partners. She told her brother it was wrong to hold his wedding at a plantation as soon as she got the invitation: Now I received my wedding invite a little over a week ago and after finding out the wedding venue is at plantation I called my brother and told him how highly disrespectful and cruel it is for them to be planning a celebration at such a place. I told him that I wouldn’t attend and neither would my family. Sometime before my brother had asked me to gift them $10000 to help pay for things, since my brother just overcame cancer and medical bills had eaten up his savings, I happily agreed to this is before I knew it was going to be held at a plantation. She'd agreed to gift him $10,000 to help pay for the wedding due to medical issues, but she decided to rescind the offer: I told my brother that I could no longer gift him this money if he was going to use it to pay for a plantation wedding. My brother was pretty angry he said that he had been counting on this money to pay for vendors, the honeymoon and other things. And now they have a venue but not much money for all the other things. He called our mother who then called me and basically she spent an hour yelling and chastising me, and for the past few days I have been in constant verbal/text battle with everyone and I am starting to feel like I am going crazy for not wanting to go or have my money be used in that way. Despite her family's protests, she won't budge — and now they're trying to gaslight her into relenting: I am morally and ethically against it and they just keep saying it’s not a big deal and that it isn’t disrespectful or hurtful. I of course disagree. I live in the UK married to a Black British man with children. My husband also refuses to attend and he’s against us giving money if this is what it’s going to be used for. Her sister-in-law is taking it personally: My future sil texted me earlier today saying I have always hated her (long history/hurt between me and her) and that I hate my brother. That I am ruining my brothers first few months of being cancer free and that he had to be hospitalised due to all the stress(he still has a lot of complications from the treatments/surgeries and isn’t in the greatest health right now) I know I am not in the wrong here but after this text,all the emotional abuse,the constant back and forth I am drained and starting to feel like I am. She's asking for advice because she's worried that her brother might not make it much longer due to the cancer: The only reason I feel this terrible is because my brother may no longer have cancer but his health is on very shaky ground due to a lot of side effects from the treatments,surgeries,medication and varies complications from cancer. This wedding is being rushed for this summer because we are not certain if he will still be walking before the end of the year. She tried writing an email to her family to explain in excruciating detail why a plantation wedding is inappropriate: Just sent a long *ss email detailing nearly every atrocity that was committed at that plantation specifically including the names and ages of many slaves, to every family member and the wedding group-chat sil added me. (did hours of research on that plantation) including the brutality and death toll of slavery. And with a reminder that I and my family are descendants of enslaved people,not more than two generations ago. F*ck’em As responses started rolling in, and some people urged her to get over the past, the woman stood her ground: Edit 5: To every a**hole boohooing right now f*ck you and: There is no difference between this and asking the descendants of Jewish people who survived nazi’s, to not only attend but to help pay for a wedding that will be held at Auschwitz. A plantation is a concentration camp. Then, the worst happened: the bride found her Reddit post: Woke up to get ready for work and just saw a text from mom apparently sil found this post and now she has done got the vapors! Mom just found out what reddit is and texted “You are embarrassing us in front of the English” me- Mom the internet is for all. So this s*** is international! It is like 3am over there and Sil (she is not planning to sleep tonight I guess) just called my husband. He picked up and first thing he said to her was- Mate I’m not being funny yeah but like I’m with my missus on this. A roller coaster! So what do the people of Reddit think?Many of them are confused as to why the woman is giving her brother money for his wedding."I have never heard of a sibling giving TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS to their brother/sister for a wedding," mblizzy909 wrote. "Given how they treated you, I would give $0."But as the woman explained, she's being so generous because her brother is just getting over cancer. It's not the norm, but it's nice.Many think the brother's lack of funds is enough of a sign that this plantation wedding isn't meant to be."Don’t have a wedding if you can’t afford it," wrote sawandconquered."Especially if you're accepting money from your Black relative as a gift to pay for the wedding and then decide to have it on a plantation? that's f***** up," sawandshoka added.As realwomenwearrompers pointed out, though, the real issue is the insensitivity: Wow talk about tone-deaf and insensitive. I don’t blame you for standing your ground, especially the 10k “gift”... that takes big balls to basically demand money from someone. Good for you for standing up for what’s right. Often times the right thing is also the uncomfortable thing to do. MetaCalm added that the family should really know better: F*ck'em. Do not pay a cent if they go ahead with plantation wedding. The level of audacity is beyond belief! A lot more is expected of a mixed racial family. They, better than anybody else, should appreciate historical sensitivities having grown in and around it. VeryVeryTexan offered a suggestion: explain to the family exactly what went on in the different areas of the plantation: Maybe if you put it in easier to comprehend chunks, they'd get it. This is the garden, where the reception will be held. It used to be where the slave quarters were stationed, which is where I'd be sent. This is the house, where we're having the reception. It's where I'd only be allowed if I was working, and where I'd be beaten for speaking. That's the stove I could be burned on for talking back, speaking up, or just because it's Tuesday. They went on: We can take the family photos, of course, I wouldn't be welcome in them, given that the only way a family that looks like you would have a daughter like me in a house like this is if the owner of her mother forced her into having sex while his wife was down the hall blaming the woman being raped. Aren't these lovely trees in the grove? I bet there's a lot of history in them. Do know why they call the gnarled ones hanging trees? Etc, etc, etc. "Should I have to put up with this, Mom? Or do you care at all?" And liketheguyontv summed up how much this woman has given to her family already. You are not in the wrong. And it's sad that your brothers or family can't see your perspective. Also, 10K is a pretty big gift. And helping with medical bills and flying back and forth. You are very kind. Most people agree the woman is in the right. And hey, at least she'll save money on plane tickets by skipping this one.