It's been quite the week. Women won both on and off the field, with the World Cup-winning team showing us all what it means to work hard and play hard, and not one but TWO millionaire pedophiles being hauled off to jail.

Did you know that women aren't just incredible soccer players, they're also hilarious comedians? Here are the best tweets of the past seven days.

does jared leto dress like a cult leader full-time now pic.twitter.com/0T2ZooNP6H
— jourdain searles (@jourdayen) July 10, 2019

Masturbation is great, the traditional gender roles are women use power tools while men appreciate art
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) July 10, 2019

i can’t decide what the best soccer movie is: bend it like beckham, she’s the man, or ashlyn harris’s instagram stories
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) July 9, 2019

I love hot girl summer https://t.co/5gCDVVe7fy
— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) July 9, 2019

she was a punk he did ballet pic.twitter.com/7t09D7UIb8
— Aida (@rxbbersoul) July 7, 2019

me first hearing about the live action mulan missing key characters and songs from the original film vs me learning the reason being due to respect to chinese culture and history pic.twitter.com/gAljqi1ou1
— costanza (@forasiah) July 8, 2019

Idea: Takis for Whimps
Pitch: What if White People could eat Takis
— Taylor Kay Phillips (@TayKayPhillips) July 8, 2019

my tech, my slack
click my essay, check my facts

is this anything
— Rosemary Donahue (@rosadona) July 11, 2019

My Uber profile says I’m deaf so when I get into Uber’s I usually just sign hello to them and don’t speak anymore but this Uber driver just called someone and said “this deaf bitch just got in so I can talk for a minute” lmfaooooo
— Nicole (@nicoleslaaww) July 10, 2019

10.

I’m not buying another purse until it has the following inside:
• Cup holder
• Bagel holder
• ATM
• Built-in vacuum for bagel crumbs
• Tiny lamp
• Built-in Alexa that just says “hot” or “cold” depending on how close my hand is to the thing I need
• Regenerating bagels
— Sam Reece (@SamanthaaaReece) July 11, 2019

11.

making actual friends with adult men is hard i wish there was a card i could send that said “listen i have no interest in sex with you , but let’s go to the movies!!!”
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) July 9, 2019

12.

How can Euphoria be a show about sexy teens without there being a murder for them to solve?
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) July 10, 2019

13.

Stranger Things Season 4 is just going to be the kids filling out their FAFSA
— Bron.com (@brondotcomputer) July 11, 2019

14.

life update pic.twitter.com/CPoJVk5wRw
— Lauren Chanel Allen (@MichelleHux) July 11, 2019

15.

Me, an intellectual: Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world
Mary Berry, a judge: this was a quiche challenge my good bitch
— Kelly Gancas (@kellygancas) July 12, 2019

16.

pic.twitter.com/Y4INAkIbv5
— anna marie (@annamarieboone) July 10, 2019

17.

sometimes female friendship is just repeating "does that make sense?" back and forth to each other until you finally acknowledge that you've both been making perfect sense this entire time and you've just been socialized to shrink yourself and second guess everything you say
— m*k (@wholemik) July 10, 2019

18.

If you don’t use these EXACT character names when discussing Big Little Lies, you’re being confusing.
It’s: Renata, Reese, Shailene Woodley’s character, Bonnie, Nicole Kidman, and Meryl
— Samantha Martin (@HiMyNameSam) July 9, 2019

19.

Twitter going down and forcing me to experience real life has taught me a very important lesson: I need to get more into Instagram
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) July 12, 2019

20.

If you’re a man and you’re rude to me on the train, fine. If you’re a man and you’re rude to me on the train and you resemble one of my exes, sorry, but I’m pulling the emergency brake and ruining everyone’s day.
— Bailey Swilley (@baileyswilley) July 11, 2019

21.

The most popular show of the past 10 years was a medieval fantasy involving multiple realms and dynasties but when a woman makes a TV show about a human woman there are always 1000 think-pieces about how it's not "relatable enough."
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) July 9, 2019

22.

I’m penciling myself in for a Hot Girl Fall (too humid out right now)
— Caroline Moss (@CarolineMoss) July 11, 2019

23.

I will never get over the fact that the overarching theme of Jolene is, bitch I know you could do it, you are fully capable, you’re great. You’re a star. Just could you please not? It’s really a love song to another woman.
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) July 10, 2019

24.

whoever wrote that “sex is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good” joke was definitely:
-a man
-who eats trash
— How To Be Alone (by me Lane Moore) is out now (@hellolanemoore) July 9, 2019

25.

Them: Wow this burrito is huge who could possibly eat all thi-
Me: pic.twitter.com/WDfF4JwNFz
— anne victoria clark (@annevclark) July 12, 2019

While you're here, Mariah Carey video is not a joke—it is serious business—but it demands to be seen. It is the only Bottle Cap Challenge video that matters.

Challenge accepted! #bottletopchallenge pic.twitter.com/Rygijd6z5W
— Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) July 7, 2019

25 jokes from women this week that will make you smile (not that we’re telling women to smile).