Jokes about marriage are as old as the institution itself. Much like dad jokes, marriage jokes stand the test of time and are enjoyed by those who know just how much truth is behind each punchline. Most are old, some are new, all are borrowed, and a few are blue:
1. Why are you incomplete until you get married?
Because after marriage, you're finished.
2. A little girl asked her mother how much it cost to get married.
Her mom said, "I don't know, sweetheart, I'm still paying for it."
3. What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
4. How do you know when you're at a redneck wedding?
All the guests are sitting on the same side of the aisle.
5. How do you get a man to repair something around the house?
Tell him he's too old to for it.
6. What's the secret to a happy marriage?
No one knows—that's why it's a secret.
7. Why caused a woman not to talk to her mother-in-law for 18 months?
She didn't want to interrupt her.
8. Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask for directions.
9. What's the most effective way for someone to remember an anniversary?
Forget it once.
10. Why should you avoid marrying a tennis player?
Because "love" means nothing to them.
11. How are marriages like your lazy friends?
Most of them don't work out.
12. What's the difference between getting married and getting circumcised?
When you get married, they make you keep the whole prick.
13. Why is love never having to say your sorry?
Because you'll never get a word in edgewise.
14. What do you call a woman who loves small penises?
Your wife, if you're lucky.
15. Why did the bride cry when she saw her wedding cake?
Because the cake is in tiers.