Asking the Internet things is fun, except when it's terrifying—like when someone innocently asked "What do you not fuck with?" as recently happened on Reddit. There were a few amusing joke answers, of course, but for the most part the question revealed fears many readers never even knew they had. They can be broken down into three basic categories: 1) things that will straight-up kill you, 2) things that will make you wish you were dead, and 3) things that will simply ruin your life and make you a miserable person. Are you ready to be horrified? Let's begin.
1. This may seem obvious, but beware spinning blade machines designed to slice through trees.
2. Chemistry is the building block of biology, and also its wrecking ball.
3. A rare moment of levity from Wu-Tang and Martin Shkreli.
4. These terrible, terrible plants you should avoid at all costs.
5. Some argued opiates were the substance not to fuck with. Others said it was cocaine. To be clear, you should fuck with neither.
6. In the non-life-threatening department, here's some good advice on not being a terrible person.
7. Just in time for the release of The Revenant.
8. Seems obvious, yet so many people have trouble with this one (SO stands for "Significant Other" in case you're, uh, lonely).
9. On a similar note, this very clever fellow.
10. If you need to honestly debate whether moose or grizzlies are more frightening, just stay away from both of them.
11. You might interact with a brutal killer every day and never even think about it.
12. Alternatively, you should avoid interacting with these very well-known brutal killers if at all possible.
13. Hey, remember the funny answers? Those were good times.
14. Let's dial it back to merely "creatures that will make you wish you were dead."
15. Probably risking a lawsuit just by posting this.
16. Did we mention electricity, and why it's way more dangerous in America? (Hint: when you invent the power grid first, it means you have the oldest power grid.)
17. Finally, "Chemistry is Horrible, Part 2." Strap in, this one is long and full of new ways to imagine dying.
Have fun sleeping, everyone! Merry Christmas!