Our greatest success at abstinence education is abstaining from educating each generation on how a) to have sex and b) to think of themselves as men and women.

Skip to 17:50 for a celebrity-studded sex ed video.

Sex education was supposed to rescue American parents from The Talk, or at least make it easier. Instead, parents now need to have a new Talk with their kids, the Talk warning them that everything in their sex ed class may be wrong, possibly dangerous, and probably a thinly-veiled attempt at cultural indoctrination.

From telling girls that they'll be like used pieces of Scotch tape if they have sex to telling boys...well, actually nothing, because "boys will be boys" is somehow still a catchier phrase in 2015 than "no means no" and "yes means yes."

Sources: Last Week Tonight