'Playboy' released its ranking of the Top Party Schools because that's why you read 'Playboy.'

'Playboy' released its ranking of the Top Party Schools because that's why you read 'Playboy.'
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More fun than U.S. News and World Report

In an ever-growing quest for relevance in the era of internet porn, Playboy released a comprehensive ranking of the Top 10 Party Schools in America. This can be a vital resource for high school seniors who need Playboy's help in many matters, including choosing their college. Here's the Top 10, and Playboy's rationale for each school's supposed supremacy. 

1. Ohio University

Not to be confused with Miami University in Ohio or Ohio State, Playboy gave Ohio University their top spot. Located in Athens, Ohio, the town pays to tribute to its Greek namesake with crazed debauchery around All Hallow's Eve. Playboy described the Halloween block party as "a drunken fete so epic it attracts such sponsors as the infamous caffeinated alcohol Four Loko."  Wow. Epic.


2. University of Iowa

Maybe if Hannah Horvath went to Iowa for the undergrad experience she would have lasted longer than two weeks. Iowa City is the ultimate enabler to underage fun, letting in anyone over the age of 19 until 10 PM. Local establishment Union Bar found a loophole, and by calling themselves an "entertainment venue," could let in all ages at all times: "The resulting evidence of the Union’s Halloween bash is enough to make a Playboy editor blush."

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3. Florida State University

It's Florida. People go there to drink their faces off when they're on break from their own schools.


4. Tulane University

Woah, this school actually has good academics, too. Playboy ranks Tulane highly by virtue of Mardi Gras, "a 140-year-old off-campus party that’s still thriving." They forgot to mention that Louisiana lets you carry alcohol openly on the street, so points to Louisiana for helping the environment by freeing students from the burden of covering their drank in paper bags.

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5. University of Illinois

This school thrives on Greek life, and also has legal bar entry at 19. They have an annual music festival that attracts great acts, but according to the prestigious Naked Lady Mag, "come March, all hell breaks loose for Unofficial Saint Patrick’s Day, when thousands of students skip class to start drinking at dawn—and the streets are dyed green with vomit."


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6. University of Texas

The college helps "keep Austin weird," with thriving nightlife on the city's Sixth Street and Rainey street. But as Hef and Co point out, the best part of UT is that "Longhorns can legally go topless in public. Austin: the right to bear arms and the right to bare it all."


7. Syracuse University

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The 'Cuse won the top spot according to everyone's favorite SAT people, The Princeton Review. This school in upstate New York is known to have epic tailgates and other parties in parking lots. Phi Psi's "Heaven and Hell" party on Halloween is known to be one of the best, and also sounds like my own personal hell. 


8. University of Wisconsin

According to Playboy, life in Madison is all about the Badgers and the Vag. People throw house parties every Saturday during football season, and cheese curds and beer are abundant all over town.

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9. University of Mississippi

Southern belles. Booze. Battlestar Galactica.


10. University of Michigan

The frat bros at Michigan are a bit communist and share a massive backyard. Known as "The Pit," this plot of land is home to tailgating during football season. Apparently there's also a never-ending stream of house parties: "Win or lose, Michiganders still booze."

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