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Political theorists and pirates often envy the same things, like a real career. Zing, pirates.

Prof. Rex Brynen of McGill University in Montreal was getting tons of requests to extend the deadline for his class' big research paper, according to this redditor and student. Now, if you attended college anytime in the last few decades, you may have heard of this thing called "grade inflation" and the general policy of "coddling these little brats so they can't fail," a policy crucial to obtaining my own degree. 

Fortunately, as the divinely-sanctioned King of POLI 340 (Developing Areas/Middle East Comparative Politics), Prof. Bynen can ban the influence of modern American (or in this case, Canadian) culture, and he does so with extreme severity. Obviously, this letter doubles as a pretty good lesson on tyranny, and the authoritarian policies common to the Middle East - pretending to give Christmas off as a gift, honoring the cherished traditions of the secret police, blaming Israel and justifying everything by saying locusts will come if you don't get your way.

Sources: redditor cchriztian