Being a substitute teacher is the second-most thankless job in the world (right after full-time teacher). Imagine having to drop into the middle of somebody else's job and do it for them for a day or two, on the fly. And you're responsible for a bunch of kids, many of whom are actively trying to destroy you.
A few substitute teachers took to Reddit to talk about the worst day they ever had on the job… which, at least, were only temporary.
1. See, kipp, the thing about kids is that they're rude little sociopaths.
Obviously it could be way worse, but one of the students in the fourth grade class I was in asked me why I don't tan (school was just about to be let out for the summer, and they were talking about summer activities). I replied that it is not healthy, to which she said "You should do it anyways. You're so white it makes you look sick and it's scary."
2. User kassypassy apparently had to sub for a class one day before the lesson about how cat poop isn't edible.
I was subbing for a 1st grade class, so the kids are pretty young--around 7. After recess, a little boy in my class came running up to me covered in sand from the sandbox.
"Hey, Miss Kassypassy, I found an old peanut!" he told me excitedly and opened up his sand covered fist, in which he was holding a piece of old CAT POOP.
"Oh no, sweetheart, no no...that's cat poop, let's put that down and go wash our hands..." (At this point I'm somewhere between laughter and vomiting)
I saw a look of pure horror cross his face. As his eyes welled up with tears, he looked and me and asked in a whisper, "Is it ok to eat cat poop?"
3. They say that teachers give and give and don't get anything in return. Teacher NoahtheRed got something back from a student on his first day.
And then during the opening assignment (I wanted their names and first impressions of me so we could discuss as a group what the rest of the year would be like), a 14 year old girl puked all over my laptop. Five minutes in to my first day of my new post-college career and a 14 year old girl named Meegan (real name) puked up her entire breakfast all over my brand new laptop that I had been assigned literally not 20 minutes earlier. Good start.
4. Looks like cinnabon_sam fell for the old "I need to sharpen my pencil ruse" forgetting that kids do all their work on the computer these days.
I had a week long stint in a 7th grade language arts classroom after they had just fired the old substitute teacher (that had been there for 5 months). I came in, saw that the note he wrote me said "WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TALK TO BRITTNEY. DON'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HER." Pish-posh. I was, at the time, the best substitute teacher I knew. Anyway, I took attendance and when I called Brittney, the only white girl in the class, she just sat there. I called her name again, and that made her get out of her seat. Okay, cool...a reaction. I asked, just to be sure, if she was Brittney and she frisbeed a clip board that was attached to the wall at my face. Thankfully I ducked out of the way but it was terrifying. I sent her to the main office where she came back because she "didn't do nuthin". SURE. All things were going well the rest of the time she was in class, perhaps she just hated her name. Who knows. Well Brittney was being super nice, making me suspicious, but I still allowed her to get out of her seat to sharpen her pencil while I continued teaching. I turned my back to the board and I heard the kids saying "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIIIIIIIIIT". Brittney had taken the pencil sharpener box thing that held the excess shavings, jumped on a kid sitting next to her, and poured it in his mouth all while shouting "SWALLOW STUPID BITCH!!! I KNOW YOU CAN!!" Brittney. A crazy bitch I am still afraid of.
5. Sub SemoMuscle should've been specific (and remembered that teens are the worst)
I was once watching a PE class while they walked around the track by the football field. A couple kids starting throwing rocks at each other, I told them to stop, they did. A few minutes later I hear a crash. They had started throwing rocks at the scoreboard and broke some of the lights on it. Their excuse was, and I quote, "You didn't say we couldn't throw them at the scoreboard."
MOTHERFUCKER YOU'RE IN HIGHSCHOOL, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THESE THINGS.
6. Wouachx forgot that kids just go nuts for anything with Paul Giamatti in it.
Not a sub now but was for several years. I did middle and high school and this particular time I went to one of the districts middle school to sub for 8th grade social studies. I got signed in, went to be room and stared to read the instructions for the day. The teachers instructions : "Play the movie on my desk."
Seemed simple enough except for the fact that there were two stacks of movies and DVDs. Not knowing which I should play I snagged the other social studies teacher for the 8th grade and she could t figure out what movie it was either. So as they were studying the revolutionary war, I suggested the HBO John Adams mini series, as it was on the teacher's desk. School was about to star and we were rushing. Neither of us had seen it but it was agreed that would be shown.
All was going well until a guy is tarred and feathered about 20-30 minutes in and there is full frontal male nudity. And this was shown in front of about 30 8th graders. I had to speak to the principal to explain because he started to get calls from parents because they were texting home. I didn't sub at hat school much more after that.
7. Redkiteflying was not pestered by the students to buy beer for them.
I substitute taught for two months while studying for the LSATs. Probably the worst part was the administrators, teachers, and students alike kept mistaking me for a student at the school.
I was 21 years old, and I was subbing at a middle school.
8. This tale from SactEnumbra is a common one, one we all experience. A tale of love, love lost, and a tiny rage monster.
My mom was a sub, 8th grader proposed to her (wtf?) and she said no, and the kid threw a desk at her.
9. Synapse74 hit a girl with a dodgeball.
The worst for me so far is being told by a girl in grade 8 to F off cause i hit her with a dodgeball...while playing dodgeball.
10. Yeah, Goobi420's father-in-law almost got lit on fire, but the kid shows an interest in science and he's a real self-starter.
I'm not a substitute teacher, but my father in law is. He told me once he was substituting an 8th grade class, and this boy crumbled up a ball of paper, soaked it in hand sanitizer, lit it on fire and threw it at the board.
11. User ch1088 could've used some of the hand sanitizer from that last story.
Took the kids out for recess. School is located near the lower class area of my town. The way the school is built each classroom has a door for access to the playground. On the way inside, I reach for the handle to go back into the room without looking, keeping my eye on the kids lining up/doing head count. I feel something sticky on my hand, and bam. Used condom, complete with cum inside and gross gnat-like bugs on it. I almost threw up right then and there.
12. AwkwrdGiraffez wasn't so much a substitute teacher as a temporary guard at a starter prison.
I'm 20. I was substituting in an "in school suspension" class for a high school last year, which I thought would be pretty chill since I had imagined i would just have to sit there all day while the kids tapped their pencils and stared at the clock. Well, it turns out I had a classroom full of 18 year old boys who were significantly taller and larger than I am. These boys were also in ISS for their behavior. So....with that being said...I sat there trying to get them to settle down, which wasnt going very well, and then suddenly the boys decided to pass the time by fist fighting one another for fun. Several boys surrounded my desk so that I couldn't get out to stop them. And they also took away the classroom phone so that I couldn't contact the principal or the security officer... The day went on as I helplessly watched several huge high school boys beat each other up for 8 hours. True story.
13. This story from wheretheroadmaylead is about how when the bright lights, office buildings, and mundane coffee shops of the big city are calling, one must answer.
When I was in 5th grade my mom was teaching another 5th grade class. This girl who we all knew was a little shit asks to go to the bathroom, and my mom didn't notice she didn't come back for a while since she was unfamiliar with the class. Sure enough, she ran away from school and made it to the center of town. Got caught since it's a really small town where everyone knows everyone, so someone who knew her drove by. It was a huge deal for quite some time.
14. User subbinginhell subbed in either a nightmarish class or the best action movie ever made.
One day I was subbing for a construction class. It was the week before midterms so the students were supposed to just be reviewing their textbooks and preparing for the written test. Keep in mind that this class contained only senior boys and when the class settled down, I was basically inhaling sexually frustrated hormones.
They obviously were having a hard time staying in their seats and studying and I was having a hard time getting them to behave. As I was trying to keep the peace, I failed to notice that one boy was trying to tie his buddy's shoelaces together. Once the kid realized that this was happening, he blew a gasket and flipped his desk onto the kid who was pulling the prank. The desk landed on his forehead, causing him to bleed pretty badly. Once the kid noticed the blood, he attacked the kid who flipped the desk. I got into the middle of the fight (which I am not supposed to do) and with the assistance of another student we broke up the fight. As I sent the bleeding kid to the nurse with another student, I kept the desk flipper in the room with me. BUT as the bleeding kid was leaving the room he all of the sudden grabbed one of those metal dust pans from the construction area and completely tomahawked it at the desk flipper. It created a gash that started no less than a centimeter from the bottom of his right eye all the way down to his jaw. He was GUSHING blood and lost two of his teeth. Of course I went into panic mode and of course the fucking phones didn't work. I ran to the nearest office and was shouting for 911 and nurses and administrators to come to the room. The desk flipper lost A LOT of blood. When he was rushed to the hospital, it looked like there was a homicide in my classroom. It took the custodians about a gallon of bleach to clean the whole mess up.
15. The worst day of teaching for misterdabson but you just know that the kid is still a legend at that school.
A student put eye drops in my water and I shit my pants in front of the class.