Teachers are responsible for our children for seven-odd hours a day. They teach them important skills and knowledge, and they help mold them into decent people and responsible citizens. Well, usually.
Not everybody can be helped. Some kids, like adults, are just jerks, and they make life a living hell for their teachers. A few particularly eloquent teachers took to Reddit to talk about the kids they just couldn't teach to not be awful.
1. Uglypants_Stupidface twice got caught in Dante's Inferno, the "Inferno" being farts and Dante's mother.
Dante. He was in my 10th grade English class. He was awful. He would call me over to ask questions, fart, and then laugh. He showed up maybe once a week or two, then complained that he was failing the class. When he was there, we got very little done because he was such a distraction.
But the moment that sealed the deal for me was a parent conference. All Dante's teachers were there. His mom was there. We went around and every teacher repeated the same basic tale - Dante rarely shows up, is a terrible distraction, is disrespectful, etc.
After the teachers explained the problem, Dante's mother turned to the guidance counselor and said "I don't understand why all these teachers are lying on my son."
2. User 1spring talks about that super-eager "adult student." It's professor.
I teach adults. She was a severe and chronic know-it-all. She would commentate non-stop through all of my lectures and demos. "Okay. I see. Well i knew that. I knew that too. I see. Is that how you're going to do that? Are you sure? I see. Okay. Wouldn't it be better this way? Fine. Okay. I see. Oh yes. I knew that. I knew that too." And on and on. I finally snapped and told her she was being rude to me. She emailed me the next day telling me that I owed her an apology.
3. User jjjmills shows that you shouldn't go into teaching if you can't handle being potentially burned alive.
One day we had a fire alarm (a real one--this happened often at this particular school). He was the last student out of the room and when he left he laughed in my face and slammed the door shut. He stood outside holding the doorknob so I couldn't get out. He wrenched or jacked the knob so hard that, once he fled the building, the doorknob didn't work any more. I was trapped in my classroom with the fire alarm going off and I couldn't call anyone to let me out because they had all gone outside with the students. So I sat there with my fingers in my ears (the fire alarm was VERY loud) for about an hour. Eventually I heard voices outside -- it was the firefighters responding to the call. I explained the situation through the door and they all had a good laugh, then they brought a custodian in to jimmy the door open. That was the worst day of my teaching career. And then of course the kids mocked me for it for weeks afterward. That kid was definitely the worst in terms of classroom behavior.
4. This story from cc_cyanotephra has everything a story needs: a mom, some water, floor repair, and, of course, fetal cats.
Obligatory not a teacher, but my mom is. One year she had a student who was failing because he hadn't turned in any of the work and missed a test or two.
The night before her big fetal cat dissection class (after she'd prepped the whole lab and had the fetal cats in the room) he and some friends broke into the school. They plugged the drains in all her sinks and the ones in the floor too then turned them all on. They also unwrapped the fetal cats, ripped them apart (??) and left them around the room. When people started arriving the next day they found the room underneath hers dripping water from the ceiling. Her room had about an inch of water and there were fetal cat parts everywhere apparently.
She still had to teach him for the rest of the semester. I forget what the punishment was but it wasn't anything major. They ended up having to rip out the floor and repair it that summer too.
5. Redditor prepfection had the good fortune to teach the only drummer in history aware of their actions.
As an early childhood music teacher, probably the kid who hit me with a percussion mallet and then laughed about it to his 3 year old compadres.
6. This hero teacher was nicer than she had to be with bonjourlepeen.
Kyle hated school, was a 17 year old eighth grader, and had 2 kids. Despite his awful treatment of me, I still held a book and clothes drive for his daughters, which completely shocked him. I should have given up.
He would come into class every day exclaiming "I have a stiffy!!!" And make comments about how badly I needed to "get fucked" if he was having a good day.
If he was having a bad day... I've tried to forget most of it. The worst was the day he refused to sit in his desk. He just wanted to lay on the floor and sleep. Because I asked him to get up three times and then began writing him up, I clearly deserved the tirade that followed.
7. Herpandderpmom has been a teacher too long to fall for the old "knife in the fly" trick.
Ist year teaching...not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I have never had a kid this bad since then. Very sticky fingers: stole stuff of no value to him like cheap used safety goggles. He was the sole reason they put cameras in the cafeteria because he was loading up his backpack with goodies, just to throw them away. His parents were called in numerous times, but they had some influence in the small town and he was "protected". Brought a knife to my class and hid it in his underwear, knowing no one would want to search his nasty shorts. Showed it to people by sticking it out of his fly. When I asked him to leave my class one day, he stood up, screamed "FUCK YOU" at the top of his lungs, went over to a corner, pissed in it and left. I (and my whole class) was speechless. It will not surprise you that he never did graduate and got kicked out of the military.
8. Bytie1 cuts to the chase.
just a wild idea here, but I'm thinking it was the one who stabbed me.
9. The school mrs_polamalu taught at would not stand for twerking at school events. English class was a different matter.
Had one student who, on the third day of school, backed his ass into my crotch and wiggled out some bump and grind dance moves. I wanted him expelled but his mother came in and, when I demonstrated (at her insistence), said, "Oh he just rubbed his behind on you? I thought he rubbed his front parts. This shouldn't be an issue." He got transferred to another section of the school.
10. Nixonrichard had a student who left him "O.K." (O.K. does not stand for "okay.")
A student of mine stabbed me in the back with a pair of scissors.
I have one kidney now.
11. Tatsukun's student was probably a future comedian.
No doubt, the "Handkerchief Prince". This was a Japanese university (a fairly good one too) and this one kid was the star pitcher in the baseball team. (he always wore this hanky hanging out of his back pocket, the girls and moms loved him). Well, he had to take my English class, and he had no reason to care about English. So every time it was his time to say something in English, he made animal noises. Like, real animal noises. One day he would choose dog, and the next horse.
I have to admit, the kid did a pretty good elephant impression.
12. For Pickles_the_Fire_Cat, teaching was a gas.
I had a student who would race to get up the stairs before me so he could fart and I would have to walk through the emitted gases. The look on his face was one of pure joy.
13. To be fair, GlennGlasglow, math is, like, so hard.
Calculus 1 in college. This student was a freshman going for an engineering degree. On one of the exams he left an answer as 144/3 when I clearly wrote in the directions to simplify to lowest terms. He argued for 20 minutes with me in my office that it wasn't fair to expect him to reduce that fraction because "144 is too big." He eventually ended up not passing the class.