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5. Selena Gomez. It's not unusual to spend Valentine's Day mooning over an ex, but imagine if the ex you just can't seem to shake is someone most Americans revile so much they're trying to get him deported. Then you'd not only be depressed because the thought of those gangly legs and pimply cheeks is so all-consuming it's landed you in rehab, you'd also probably feel a little embarrassed. Don't get me wrong, the heart wants what it wants, and we've all desired people who pee in buckets in public kitchens or are otherwise no good for us. And sure, Bieber has a nice, thick head of hair. So, there's that. Still, we can't help feeling a little sorry for Ms. Gomez today. Here's hoping she meets a nice new guy who can take care of a pet without killing it and doesn't have so much sex with prostitutes.