5. John Boehner? The Tea Party? Obama? Boehner? The Tea Party? Probably the Tea Party. This concludes week 2 of America's temporary reversion to the Articles of Confederation (I kid, of course. We don't even have that much of a federal government). As we each sit in our temporarily unsupervised state territories (I just heard a bunch of white separatists get an erection as I wrote that), we have to wonder who we should cold-cock in the face should we ever get the chance. Fox News, shockingly, believes that the shutdown is A.) Good for America, because it was the GOP's idea, but also B.) Horrible, hurting veterans, and all thanks to Barack Obama. There is a word for holding two opposing ideas in your head at the same time, I think. If you watch the rest of the Lamestream Media, it's all the GOP's fault because this is their last-ditch attempt not to admit that the only problem with Obamacare (besides being drawn entirely from Republican ideas) is the black guy whose name is on it. Also, the Koch brothers. Somehow. I can't even keep track anymore, but I'm pretty sure the problem is (dun dun dunnnnnn) crazy people, aka the Tea Party. There are crazy people loose inside the Capitol, and I'm pretty sure a lot of them have concealed handgun permits. They don't care what might happen if they blow the place up. That's why they come in ahead of Boehner, Reid, McConnell, Pelosi and Obama in the blame game—because those other guys (except McConnell, who is an ancient reptile and feels none of our human emotions) are now scared enough of the nutjobs that they'll start talking. A little. UGGGHHHH. JMC