5 people who totally ruined this week for us.

5 people who totally ruined this week for us.
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(via Twitter)

5. Matt Lauer. Matt Lauer, you are on our last nerve. We were barely tolerating you ever since you failed to woo Katie Couric and then dissed Ann Curry, and America decided we collectively hated you. But then you had to go and wear this tragically revealing Baywatch costume yesterday! Including, fake (we hope) nipples! How are we supposed to eat breakfast while looking at that? We'd switch to Fox and Friends, but actually in retrospect this is no big deal. —SRD

 

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(image via Wikipedia)

4. The FAA. The Federal Aviation Administration announced yesterday that airplane passengers will soon be allowed to use electronic devices throughout taxi, takeoff, and landing (though cell phone use is still prohibited). Personally, this announcement makes it hard to trust anything the FAA has been telling us about airline safety. Have they just been picking these rules at random? Would there actually be a problem if someone brought a bottle of hairspray on board or opened the cabin door midflight, or is the FAA as clueless as we are as to how airplanes actually function? —SRD

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4a. The shooter at LAX today. We don't have any details on this, so you should turn to a respectable news organization. We're pretty sure this is ruining our week, though.

 

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(screengrab via Healthcare.gov)

3. The people behind Healthcare.gov, for making the conversation about national healthcare all about a sucky website. For the past several weeks, the national conversation about Obamacare has been pretty much dominated by what a shitshow the Healthcare.gov website is. Complaints about long waits, technical glitches, and confusing misinformation from tech support are completely reasonable, but they don't actually mean that the Affordable Care Act is a massive failure. The website is a massive failure. Come on, people, even Gmail goes down sometimes, and we still think email is a good way to communicate, right? —SRD

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(image via Wikipedia)

2. The people behind AXE body spray. They weren't satisfied with simply assaulting our senses or setting feminism back 50 years, so the people behind AXE body spray are now attacking the children. Eight sixth graders from Brooklyn were hospitalized after someone—intentionally or accidentally—launched an AXE attack in their classroom. Sure, odds are the kids were faking it so little Mikey would finally learn his lesson about wearing too much body spray, but still. It's time to ban this poison forever, before one more child thinks it's a good idea to wear it. —SRD

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1. Pope Gregory XIII, for introducing the calendar reforms in 1582 that made Halloween fall on a Thursday this year. Listen, we all like Halloween, but not all of us are insane party monsters. Usually, you have to pick the closest weekend to the holiday and move the drinking to then. But since Halloween is on a Thursday, it not only projects forward to this weekend, but last weekend was all Halloween as well. Whose fault is that? Pope Gregory XIII, who in 1582 signed off on the calendar reforms begun in 1577 at the Council of Trent. The Julian Calendar was great for 45 BC, but its leap years were all kinds of wrong and before you knew it Easter was showing up in June and stuff, so a few guys who were into space stuff (writing down where the sun and moon were) drew up a new one, and the whole calendar jumped forward by 10 days in the worst Daylight Savings loss in history. So it's not that Halloween wouldn't still be happening, but at least it would've been on a Tuesday this year. —JMC

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