Your beach body is, by all accounts, the same body you'll have when summer ends. Unless you're a shape-shifting river monster, in which case you're probably comfortable at the beach regardless of your belly fat. So forget about all that—but don't go swimming anyway. There's stuff lurking in the water, and it wants to crawl up inside you.

Only way to travel.
Only way to travel.

1. Before you jump in the lake, make sure it's not full of leeches. This woman's vagina can attest.

My wife and I love to backpack and camp in the outdoors.

On this trip we found an isolated lake with a beautiful camp site in the Adirondaks. No one was around and we went for a swim. Then we decided to take our clothes off and swim some more..

We were in 5-6ft deep water swimming around naked when my wife suddenly shrieked. She felt a fish near her waist and got scared. I told her not to freak out - its not a shark.

Then she felt the fish again, this time it was closer to her 'private' area.

Then, all hell broke loose. Her eyes got as wide as saucers. She looked at me and said "GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!"

I had no idea what the fuck to do..

She reached down and pulled out of her vagina whatever had swam in there. It broke apart in her vagina so when she brought her hand out of the water, there was blood and a brown piece of what looked like a fish. What kind of fish swims into vaginas???

We exited the water, put our clothes back on and tried to move on from the lake incident.

The next morning I went down to the water's edge and was just sitting there. Then I saw a few creatures swimming that looked like the fish -- there were leeches. Lots of leeches.

I didn't tell my wife about seeing the leeches until we got home and she could do a thorough cleaning.. Now we tell the story to select friends. It always brings good laughs.